This post is inspired by a recent review I read where the reviewer noted that the woman he saw (self-identified as a courtesan) talked through a good bit of his half hour session and he was bothered by that.

I saw this as a good opportunity to write a post on the differences between courtesans and escorts.  While they are part of the same field, they are not the same.  You could liken this to a surgeon not being the same as an obstetrician.  They are both doctors, but they specialise in different aspects of their field.

Let me start by saying that one is not better than the other.  The two are different and it really just comes down to “Different strokes for different folks”.

Fundamental Differences
An escort will often greet a client with a kiss, and some minor chit chat will ensue.  Normally, it won’t be much and they will get right down to business.  This chat may even occur while the client undresses, sets down his donation, and moves to the bed.  There will be some superficial connection, but what it comes down to is a the client being happy with what he sees.  Usually not much on the personal level.  An escort will focus on physically pleasuring the client ot his hearts content.

Afterward, there will usually be a bit more conversation leading up to either another shot or the end of the session.  Some do not stay the remainder of the duration.  The average booking is between 30 minutes and 2 hours.

Escorts are perfect for clients who:

• Is looking for a quickie
• Is looking for the fantasy situation of showing up, fucking, and leaving
• Want absolute “no strings attached” sex where emotions do not come into play at all
• Are hobbyists

Courtesans, on the other hand, tend to focus on the mind first and body later.  A courtesan may have wine, sparkling water, or even a fruit tray available to share at the beginning of the appointment.  Often the first portion of the appointment is spent talking – usually about his life (without going into TOO much detail of course), her past/background/education, current events, politics, or anything else that may come up.  Courtesans more often than not hold a degree, or are in the end stages working on one.¹  Many clients who hire courtesans will talk to them about their life and problems, hoping for the point of view of an uninvolved party.  Or even just an ear to listen, or shoulder to cry on.

When the courtesan feels a good connection has formed, she will progress the visit into the bedroom.  Afterwards, there’s usually a continuation of an earlier conversation and perhaps more activities if the mood is right.  Courtesans focus on both mental and physical stimulation under the belief that a psychological release can lead to a better physical one.  Also they feel the more comfortable the client is, the more open he can be behind closed doors enabling him to act out all of his deepest fantasies.

Courtesans are perfect for clients who:

• Desire a connection before intercourse
• Want to spend a longer period of time with the courtesan
• Need someone to talk to, whether on a casual level or deeper one
• Also subscribe to the belief that an emotional release first makes the physical release better

Price and Time Differences
While many escorts will offer half hour bookings, the average courtesan starts around 1 or 2 hours.

The reason for this isn’t because the courtesan wants more money, or is greedy – but because you cannot make the desired connection in 30 minutes AND allow time for the physical release.  You would use up the vast majority of the time (if not all of it) outside of the bedroom making the connection.

This does mean if you wish to see a courtesan, you will need more time and money.  There is an upside to this though.  Most escorts will allow you to book 30 min-4 hours, however the rates will simply be the 1 hour rate multiplied by the amount of hours, with the exception of 30 minutes (which usually is 2/3 the 1 hour rate).  Courtesans will often offer multi-hour discount.  I’ll use my own rates as an example.

My rate table when I was an escort:
$200/30 minutes
$250/1 hour
$375/1.5 hours
$500/2 hours
$750/3 hours
$1000/4 hours

My rate table as a courtesan:
$300/45 minutes (available for regulars only)
$350/1 hour
$500/1.5 hours
$650/2 hours
$900/3 hours
$1200/4 hours

As a courtesan, clients who book longer sessions are more often than not looking for the companionship aspect which is something I am more than happy to provide for hours at a time with a bit of fun mixed in.  With escorting, it’s a lot more physically demanding which is why I did not offer the same discounts.

I can see why the client who wrote that review was bothered.  Unfortunately the true differences between what escorts and courtesans are really aren’t that well known.  Most people probably just think “courtesan” is a good way to slap a higher price tag on the same product.  Unfortunately, as this client found out, that is not the case at all.  I say “unfortunately” because the client ended up unsatisfied, which is something that both escorts and courtesans would see as unfortunate.

In the end we’re all in the business of pleasure and satisfaction, and we’re all disappointed in ourselves when we don’t give it.

1. This does not mean escorts do not or cannot have degrees.  Many do!  And many are brilliant women.  What I’m simply saying is that a solid education is a requirement of being a courtesan due to the clientele you draw

I got this question the other day, from someone new to seeing providers.  We talked about this subject at great length and the conversation has inspired me to write a blog entry.

At first, I was going to password protect this post to men and providers but realised that if an angry wife found this blog and wanted to read this, it’s really not that hard to pretend to be a man.

So how do you see providers and not ruin your life?  It’s really not all that hard.  It requires thinking and being one step ahead.  Paranoia and guilt are the enemy.  If you feel paranoid or guilty, you might want to re-think whether or not this is something you really should be doing.

Throwaway Cell Phone
You can get these at Walmart, and they are not that expensive.  You put minutes on it when you want to hobby and the rest of the time just keep it hidden.  If at all possible, do not hide it in your house or car.  A suspicious woman will tear apart your home and car if she has the opportunity.  A throwaway cell phone is a good indicator you may be cheating.  Make sure voicemail is disabled and every single call or text is deleted.

I don’t recommend using your real phone if your wife has access to the bill.  She WILL see what numbers you called/texted and probably call one’s she doesn’t recognise to see if a woman answers.  While this sounds “out there”, just ask the next escort you see if she’s ever been called by a wife.  I know I’ve been called, emailed, and even PMed on a review board by irate wives.

Make a second (fake) email address
Do not use your primary email address, especially if you think your wife has your password.  Make a fake one somewhere.  Hushmail, Gmail, and Yahoo are all good places (though Yahoo tends to direct a lot of provider emails to your spam folder, so check it frequently).

Choose your username wisely.  Make it something related to you (i.e. golfman93203) but not sexual (i.e. swallowmyload6969).  If your wife DOES find your secondary account it’s better that it looks non-descriptive.  I personally prefer gmail due to the ability to archive active emails (which hides them from plain site) just in case anyone DOES get in.  However if your wife uses/knows gmail she will know exactly how and where to find them.  I recommend deleting ANY emails you do not NEED to be active.

On a similar subject, make sure the password is something your wife could never guess.  Don’t use anything even close to related to what your normal passwords are.  Honestly, I suggest the Strong Password Generator.  Make sure to check the email service you’re using allows special characters before generating the password.

Cover your tracks on the internet
Even if you have your own laptop/computer make sure to ALWAYS clear the history, cache, and cookies after each time you use the browser.  Certain browsers now have “privacy modes”.  Use these, they’re great!

Do not register for any industry related sites with anything your wife could recognise.  If your name is Jim B. Jacobson your TER username should probably not be jbjacobson.  But at the same time it shouldn’t be the same as your fake email address.  You want something generic and non-sexual.  Do not use your age or race in the username.  Whiteman44 is not a good username as your wife knows you are white and 44.  Try the Username Generator if you are stuck for something good.

Do not be stupid with phone numbers
Don’t keep numbers around with lady’s working names in your phone.  That’s asking for it.  Make sure the names are the names of men.  Pick something that starts with the same letter.  Missy becomes Mike, Harmony become Harold, Eva becomes Erik, etc al.

Keeping numbers of your short list is a good idea so you don’t have to constantly risk using the PC to get them, but only if your phone is well hidden.

Believable Cover Story
Exactly as it says, you need a GOOD cover story.  If you’re overweight saying you’re at the gym isn’t a good idea unless you are actively losing weight.  Your wife will notice you are not in any better shape and that your body hasn’t changed after about a month.  You have to come up with something realistic that will not arise suspicion.  The last thing you want is your wife calling where you’re supposed to be, only to find out you aren’t there.  So think long and hard about your cover story.

Take the time to research and only choose reputable providers
Check her site, check reviews, look for paid advertising.  Make sure the people who’ve reviewed her have a good review history.  Google her name, see what you find.  You may end up spending a bit more, as reputable providers with good reputations often have higher rates – but isn’t it worth it to not ruin your life?

Remember this though – reputable providers DO screen.  If you want to limit what personal information you give to the provider, use P411 or Date-Check.  The company has the information, and you choose what providers see.

Avoid CL/Backpage style sites
I personally say that in the US you should just avoid Craigslist and Backpage or ANY similar sites.  It’s not that all of the ladies on there are not legit/reputable, it’s that there can often be a lot of LE lurking around.  Being arrested is a good way to be caught by your wife when she has to come post bail.

DO NOT PLAY WITHOUT PAYING
Do not sleep with girls you are not paying.  Why, you may ask?  It’s simple.  A girl you are paying is more than likely making her living that way.  She has as much to lose as you do if the two of you are exposed.  She is doing something that by the letter of the law can be percieved as illegal.  She faces a criminal record, fines, and potential jail time.  Women you’re paying aren’t likely to ruin their lives just to expose you to your wife.  Women you get for free are more likely to blackmail you since the only personal gain they’re getting is orgasms.  This is especially true if you make 6 figures and up and the woman knows it.

Now go out there, have fun, and don’t get caught

I’ve been on a guide writing kick recently, for some reason.  It may be since I’m laying around recovering from surgery (I’m fine, it was elective and minor!) but I had an interest in writing this for awhile.

I asked the help of other providers, and as such I will be putting their banners at the bottom of this entry.  Make sure to click the more link to see some of extremely sexy ladies who helped make this guide possible.

DO:

• Be respectful on the phone or in emails.  A nice email that says more than “45, male, attractive, 6 foot, need appointment Sunday at 3″ goes a very long way.

  Introduce yourself, be polite as you would with anyone else you had never met.  Remember she is a person and would probably appreciate knowing more about you than your age and height before agreeing to meet you, a stranger.

• Read the provider’s website.  The night before your appointment give it another look over, so you know how and where she wants you to leave the donation and any other important ‘policies’ she may have.  If she has an etiquette page, give it a read as well.  It’s there to make things go smoothly for everyone involved.

  I’m not saying you have to sit there and memorise everything she’s ever said, but it’s written to make your appointment go smoothly.  The website is not only a marketing tool for the provider, but a tool for you to use to put yourself at ease.

• THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES! Call the provider from the car if you need any location details clarified.  Do not call in the lobby of the hotel, her building, or anywhere that you can be overheard. Most women are trying to maintain discretion, so you’ll want to have any kind of buzzer code (or directions to her hotel room) before you even walk inside so it looks like you know exactly where you’re going.

  Do not ever use her working name at the buzzer, do not ever use it at her door.  Providers generally want it to look like an old friend is coming to visit and so they need you need to be discreet.  Buzz up and say something simple.  I asked my visitors to buzz up and say “Hey it’s me,” and I would then buzz them up without replying (they would hear a beep as I pressed the entry button).

  I did not take questions at the buzzer, I did not speak.  If buzzer time comes and you have a question, walk away from the building (again, get in your car if possible) and call the lady’s private cell phone to ask.  Never talk to hotel staff, concierges or anyone around and never mention a woman’s working name outside of your car or her apartment/hotel room.  This is a good way to raise suspicion and stress out a lady.

• Make sure you know her restrictions and respect them.  EXAMPLE:  If she offers CBJ, do not ask for or expect BBBJ.  No matter what may have read in a review, it’s really just best to respect what you’ve seen on her site or ads no matter what rumours have surfaced.  Please remember sometimes reviews are done with a “check box” format and it’s very easy to check the WRONG box between CBJ and BBBJ without even noticing.

  You risk offending a lady by asking for a service she has never advertised providing.  Provider’s are not oversensitive – however there are a lot of assholes who try to ask/push for services that she does offer.  It can put a woman on the defensive, because it has to.  When someone tries to push for services you don’t offer, you go into “protective” mode to avoid being forced.  Do not risk ending up putting a lady on the defensive and being lumped in with those guys by making a simple mistake based on a review.

• Take a shower either before the appointment or at it if offered.  Beforehand, please trim your fingers and toenails.  Being scratching someone with ragged toenails/fingernails is a big turn off.  A good tip I’ve heard is to prepare for it as you would any other date where you think you are getting sex.

  Trimming or shaving (your preference) anything you expect a mouth to go on or around is a plus.  It’s can serve as a sign for providers that you want certain areas kissed/licked.  If you don’t at the very least trim, many providers will take it as a sign you aren’t interested in that particular act.
  
  Make sure that you trim/shave THE DAY BEFORE the appointment in case you cut yourself!!. The last thing you want (safety wise) is an open cut in your genital area before sex with ANY new partner. Day after stubble is much better than a cut!

• Following up with the last ‘tip’:  Ask for what you want, how you want it.  I don’t mean for you to bark orders, but if you aren’t clear about what you want you may end up disappointed.  Perhaps you have not trimmed or shaved the area between your testicles and anus¹ but would like a touch there.  Let her know! If you do not ask her for what you want and end up disappointed, do not write a negative review – that’s VERY unfair to her as she is not a mind reader. If you do not ask for what you want and end up disappointed it is NOT her fault.

  Along the same line, PLEASE tell the provider if it’s “not going to happen” for you.  Most will do whatever they can to make it happen and it goes a long way if a man says something and you two can discuss what else she can do for you in the time left.  Perhaps a massage would be nice, or just laying in bed talking.  But try to avoid frustrating you and her if the plumbing is not running well that day.

• Bring your own condoms JUST IN CASE.  Make sure they are in an UNOPENED BOX.  Be prepared and expect to use hers as there are men who tamper with them.  The exception to this would be if you are an irregular size or have allergies.  Then you should be prepared to use yours after inspection by the provider.  This is not a slight against your character, unfortunately there are many men before you who have fucked it up for all the good ones.
• Mention your allergies (if you have them).  Many ladies burn scented candles, burn incense, wear scented lotion, or have pets.  Some women also smoke.  It is in your best interest to ask these things if you’re affected by any of these types of things.  Providers do not want you to be miserable, sniffling, sneezing, or worse during an appointment.  Many are happy to do extra clean up or air out their apartments if it will help you be comfortable.

  I have a field on my form asking if you are scent sensitive so I can plan accordingly.  I often burn light incense, or candles/oils.  If you are scent sensitive I will air out my incall for an entire day before our visit and use unscented toiletries the day of.  We really do want you to be happy, you just have to let us know things like this!

• Clean up your residence or hotel room if having her over for an outcall.  Even if you just stick things in a closet, it’s the thought that counts.  This one works both ways.  You expect a lady to have a clean incall that smells nice without stacks of dishes…we expect the same.

DONT:

• Brush your teeth or floss within 30 minutes of your appointment.  It may tear the lining of your mouth increasing exposure to STIs.  Brush your teeth the morning of the appointment, avoid pungent foods, and use mouthwash or gum.

  If you do eat pungent foods such as garlic or onions before the appointment please just politely apologise in advance because no amount of mouthwash or gum will cover it up completely.  It’s better to say, “Hey I’m sorry I had some lasagna for lunch and didn’t even think of the garlic” than to surprise a woman with it later.

• Slather yourself in scent.  My rule is this:  If you want a tongue to touch it then cologne, aftershave, or deodorant should not be on it.  Not only can this taste awful, ingesting certain tolietries could cause stomach aches or worse for the lady.

  A touch of cologne behind the ears and on the wrists is fine, and deodorant on your underarms is great – but on your chest, testicles, or penis…nope!  I will say this though:  A little cologne in the ass crack itself is fine if you aren’t looking to receive DATO.

• Barter or say you are short of the donation and expect the appointment to still take place.  If a woman’s rates are non-negotiable, respect that.  If you decide to attempt to haggle despite knowing her donation is firm be prepared to be asked to leave.

  Some women do have negotiable rates.  This will be mentioned on her site or in an ad – negotiate how and when she wants to.  Some women also run specials or have discounts.  Do not try to ask for these things if they are expired or do not apply to you.For example, I run a military discount (10%).  I had a client who draft dodged (no joke) who tried to get it.  I was actually pretty upset.  Don’t do things like that and expect a lady to be impressed after.  I still completed the appointment and gave the best service I could, but I did deny his request for a repeat appointment.  I couldn’t get past the fact he wanted a military discount after draft dodging.

• Use her toilet for anything except peeing, no matter what.  Do it in the hotel lobby, do it in a nearby restaurant.  I do not care where you do it as long as it’s not her bathroom.

  While we’re at it – please do not pee in the shower.  We know when you do this and we have to clean our shower every time you do. It’s fine at home, I’m sure most people do it – but not in someone’s shower that they have to clean after each use.  I don’t want to clean up your pee

  On a similar note, don’t shave your body in the shower either for the same reason!

• Bring food, drink, or flowers UNLESS you’ve cleared it with her first or her website says it’s okay. I know these are typically nice surprises, but they are not always nice for those who cannot have them.  It may make her feel awkward if she needs to turn them down either due to allergies or a special diet (i.e. diabetes, celiac).

  This includes alcohol – many women do not drink with clients (even if the bottle is sealed) so clear it with her first if her website does not make it clear.On the flip side, many women LOVE these things so do not write off the idea of bringing them just because you can’t surprise her – just ASK!

• Bring up other escorts or forums.  This tends to turn into a gossip session, rather than casual conversation.  Likewise, if she starts gossiping about other escorts/forums then try to steer the conversation in another direction.

  Try not to talk negatively about other ladies if possible.  If a lady did something extremely unsafe in your presence (offered you BBFS for example, or you saw drug paraphernalia) or was non-discreet (called a number you said not to) this is the exception.It is FINE to inform providers of such things but gossip = bad.

• Ask a girl how many clients she has seen that day or if you’re the first client of the day. Even if her answer is what you’re wanting to hear, this isn’t really appropriate conversation material. While most girls are happy to talk about their start in the industry, many are not. Let them bring it up if they want to.

  Similarly, do not ask personal questions about her real life. She’ll volunteer information she wants to, but do not pry.  There’s a fine line between curiosity/”getting to know you” and being invasive.  You don’t have to tip toe or anything of the sort, just use common sense.This is another one that works both ways, if she starts to pry – simply steer the conversation elsewhere or tell her up front you are not comfortable with the questions.

• Ask for BBFS or BB Greek.  Even if it’s to “test her reaction”, don’t do it.  You may end up offending her, ruining a great session, and costing yourself a good reference in the future.Not to mention, you may scare her.  If you’re asking her – who else are you asking (likewise, if a lady offers you – who else is she offering?).  Saying it was a “test” is a horrible excuse.  I cannot describe the feeling of ice water through your veins when you hear the words “without a condom” in reference to vaginal or anal sex in this industry.If you ask this in an initial email (or phone call) – even to “test” her – you will ruin any rapport you had and really any chance you had of ever meeting the lady in real life.

  Anyone who mentions BBFS or BB Greek I may reply to…but only to say that I am saddened and horrified at the request, and that I cannot continue this conversation or meet them.

• Overstay your welcome.  What you book is what you get.  While most ladies will not be staring at the clock and are lenient, most will also not want to have to ask you to leave.  It is awkward, and can make a lady feel very uncomfortable.  You are in her space, please respect that.  Do not take advantage of a lady’s generosity.  You are buying time, do not try and get something for nothing.  If you want more time, book a longer visit.  I do not stare at the clock personally, nor do I deduct showers from your time (you get one before and after).  I find it very rude to not meet me halfway by being courteous and respecting my time.  I do have plans and a life outside of our visit and while my goal is to make you happy during our visit, it is not at the cost of my other plans.





• Use a BS excuse to cancel.  If you changed your mind, just tell her.  Treat her the way you want to be treated.  Don’t under explain, don’t over explain.
  
  
  Cancel early, if you decide against the visit.  Do not wait until the absolute last second.  Remember we often turn down other appointments at the same time for you – if you have to cancel and you do it early enough we may be able to make up the lost appointment.
  
  
  
  If you need to legitimately cancel and reschedule, let her know up front you want to reschedule for X date.  This will show you are serious and makes her more likely to book with you again.
  
  
  
  If the appointment was an incall and the lady works out of a hotel, dropping her an extra $50 might be nice because she had probably already booked the room.  Personally, when I worked out of hotels I booked through Hotwire when I confirmed an appointment.  If someone canceled after that, I was out money.  Usually between $45-$70 depending on what/where I had booked.

• Promise things you won’t or can’t deliver whether it’s another appointment, a review, or some kind of present/tip.Even though a review or another appointment sound minor, I get my hopes up for reviews I am promised.  I love feedback and I love to know what I’m doing right/wrong. When you don’t deliver, it does disappoint me.  I understand things come up and life gets busy so if you had the intent and then couldn’t follow through – fine.  I do understand that.  But if you have no intent in the first place, don’t promise.

  Same goes with another appointment.  I enjoy the vast majority of my time with visitors.  If you promise another appointment “soon” – I will generally be looking forward to hearing from you again.  If I don’t hear from you, sometimes I do grow concerned about you.  Again, things come up and if you can’t it’s fine – but if you have no intent in the first place why bother?

  You owe a provider nothing aside from the donation – there is no need to try and promise her the world.
  

Hopefully this has helped you whether you’ve done this a hundred times, or two.

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1. yes, I mean your taint

I often get asked by clients about “things I’ve seen” at work. Weird things, sexual things, interesting things, good things – you name it, people want to know. So without compromising anyone’s privacy, I thought I would make a nice little write-up of “things I’ve seen” since becoming an escort. The good, the bad, and the ugly – as the title states. These are in no particular order.

1.  Man Money on fire.


I’d heard the phrase burning money before but this is a new one…

I like candles.  If you’ve ever seen me professionally, you know this.  In my bathroom I have 2 recessed tealight holders, each holds 4 candles.  You can wash your hands, use mouthwash, and leave your envelope in the basket without ever turning on the light.

It was a normal morning, the client had just come out of the restroom and we were having a nice chat when I smelled something on fire.  I had no idea what it could be but could not visually identify anything so I went into the only other room with candles – the bathroom – only to see a large blaze.

Apparently without noticing the client had set the envelope down directly on one of the candle holders.  I threw the envelope into the sink and turned on the water.  Shockingly despite the blaze, most of the money was intact.  $60 was not salvageable and I had a fun time putting the rest through the a money order machine while about 8 people stared at me probably wondering what the hell happened to that money.

2.  My fist and half of my forearm has been inside of someone’s body.

This was something, that even as a bisexual woman, I never thought would happen.  I love the idea of fisting (giving, not receiving!) but it came to fruition last year.  It was pretty awesome.

3.  I have had sex with more women professionally than I have in my personal life.

This is a sad fact I think, but something that often gets asked and surprises people when I answer.  I just don’t pursue women (or men) these days and haven’t in about 2 years so honestly, it’s not a surprise at this point – at least to me
4.  Giving Greek can be incredibly messy if the person has no idea how to prepare.

No picture.  For your benefit, really.  I don’t feel I really need to elaborate either!

5.  I am a normal person and very down to earth.

Yes that’s me!  I went camping at Kentucky Lake earlier this year.

It really seems to surprise people that despite my rates I don’t dump my money into designer clothes, handbags, world travel*, and generally useless crap.  Instead we chat investments, savings, business plans, and cars.

Yes, cars.  I love cars.  I have a salvage that was my project (it’s done now), and a fun car with a turbo that I treated myself to earlier in the year after my old daily driver was stolen (long story).  I really enjoy talking cars/driving so don’t be afraid to bring them up.  My main interest is imports, but I can hold my own with domestics too

On a similar note – people are also surprised to hear I pay my taxes.  I don’t know why, I guess they feel if I don’t “have to” why should I?  Well, if I ever want to finance anything appropriate for my income bracket, I’m going to have to have proof of how much I made right?  Besides, it’s good karma and just the right thing to do.  Sheesh, I’m pretty sure I preach that one hard enough everyone already knew that anyway

*I have already been almost everywhere I want to go.  I have lived in 3 countries.  I have no desire to “see the world” as what I haven’t seen (and don’t already have plans to see) I have no interest in.

I love questions. I will always answer a good one, that’s for sure.  However, I’m not a fan of spamming everyone’s twitter feed so several months ago I put up a Formspring and let it accumulate tons of questions and figured that one day I’d make a blog post about it.  I’ve taken the best of the best, the ones that made me laugh or smile, and ones that really made me think.  They are on every subject and it was really hard to narrow it down.  Thanks to all of y’all that made this happen.

Do you douche? Regularly?
Fuck no.  That stuff is HORRIBLE for your vagina.  pH balance anyone?  It’s like a pool!

What’s your opinion on gay/lesbian marriage?
Has no effect on my personal life.  Would not affect my (non-existent) marriage in any way, shape, or form.  If your marriage is so insecure that 2 dudes getting married affects it in any way, you need to take a step back and question WHY.

Want to get me started on sanctity of straight marriage?  I’m an escort for fucksake.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to sit here and criticise people for what they do in their bedroom.  I do not care what goes on, how many escorts you see, how many affairs you’ve had – this is YOUR BUSINESS.  And getting married is theirs.How often, or do you, go commando, aka wearing no underwear?
Always!  I have tons of bras, love bras, sleep in bras, sex in bras, you name it!  But panties?  No thanks!  I never wear short skirts and under long dresses who is going to know?  And why would I want pantylines anyway?

That being said, if you ever wish to gift me underwear I like thongs.

Have you ever given a guy head while he was driving?
Sure have!

Do you like music to be on in the background during sex? If so, do you have favorite songs/artists? Is it different music than what you like when driving or working?
Not in my personal life.  In my professional life it is a MUST.  I do not mix my “home music” with “work music”.  That’s not to say I don’t enjoy my work music (because I absolute do), it just means that I (like everyone else) don’t want to think about work when I’m not there

Do you like what you do?
You enjoy anything you’re good at.

What is your favorite way to meet someone for the first time?
I want to make the joke “the internet” or “with an envelope in hand” but I’m not THAT much of a smart ass.  Honestly uh, I usually stumble into things in weird places.  I’m always the person who met their (in)significant other in a strange/weird/funny place.

What is your favourite place where you like to be?
Downtown of a major metro.  Preferably Vancouver, NYC, or London.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
This question made me smile because awhile back I *did* change my name.  While I obviously can’t tell you what I changed it from/to it was a needed change and one that I am beyond happy with.

How often do you run into first time clients who suddenly experience performance problems and what do you do to salvage that kind of situation?
Salvage?  I hardly think a little anxiety is a destroyer of sessions.  I work with the client to achieve what he set out to achieve.  And FYI, it’s not just first time clients.  And I’ve never had an “issue” ruin a session first time or not

Does size matter?
Nope! In more ways than one. One of the best lovers of my life was 375lbs and 5 inches. Extremes in one direction or the other can make things difficult but honestly, nope for me it doesn’t really mean anything. I can accomodate a 1 inch or 13 inch penis.

When/Where are you going for your next vacation?
I’m not sure yet! You’d have to email me with more details as I do schedule tours around demand. I have a “request a city” feature on my site as I am not psychic

I’ve seen your blog but not your website. Where should I e-mail you?
missy-mariposa.com is my site, missy@missy-mariposa.com is how you get a hold of me after checking out said site

Do you hang out socially in your free time with any clients, or call or email them just to chat?
No I do not. They are clients, if I hung out with them for free WHY would they pay me for my time? I like them as people but what I sell is time. I do have specials for birthdays though, and I NEVER mind if *they* email me casually as long as they know I may not reply right away. Aside from my job, I do have a life of my own after all

Hair or bare? Shave or Wax? How old when you shaved/waxed for the first time?
I was jailbait when I started removing hair down there. Currently have a landing strip – shaved/shaped with an electric razor. I have done it all – I used to brazillian wax but eventually started getting tons of unexplainable ingrown hairs so I switched to wet/foam shaving which took care of it for awhile (and yes I’ve used EVERY remedy I could find). Finally decided to go for the landing strip with an electric razor and tada, no more ingrowns

Have you ever had sex with black men?
Of course

What service do you use to run background checks on potential clients?
I accept P411, Date-Check, and Roomservice2000. There are other methods I use to screen clients, however for security reasons I cannot share.

How are you sexy?
Poise, confidence, wit, and charm. Not to be arrogant or anything. Oh and having a nice body probably helps a bit?

I know size doesn’t matter, but have you ever had the opportunity to have sex with a very well hung guy and done it simply because he was well hung?
I had a long term boyfriend awhile back who’s size I had no idea of until we had sex. I had asked and he said “average” or “slightly above average”. Well he was 10 inches and it was girthy enough to barely fit in my hand. Having that experience I would not seek out another large man intentionally but would never turn down one who came a’calling. Personally though my FAVOURITE size is between 6 and 8 inches with average to above average girth

Angelina Jolie or Gina Gershone?
Gina Gershone, no question.

I like answering questions so I’ll be super geek and format this Q&A style!

1.  Where the hell have you been and what happened to your blog?
Great question!  2011 has been a busy year.  January was an interesting start with oral surgery where I lost 5 (not very important) teeth.  After that I lost 2 roommates and had to adjust from living in a house full of friends to just one roommate and the cats the others left behind (thanks guys!).  I am still working and writing!  My phone and ipad are full of notes I make for this blog.  I would love to write some things for ladies new to the industry, some general thoughts on ‘activist’ topics, stuff on travel, things for the men…there’s just not enough time in the day.

As far as what specifically happened to the blog, it fell to the wayside with all of the life changes.  As it’s fall I’ll probably have time to put down at least some of these ideas I’ve had for months.  Here’s hoping!

2.  I’m a potential client, what should I expect to find here?
I swear more than I probably should.  Honestly though, it’s my blog about many things related to sex.  If you’re blushing at the word fuck maybe you are in the wrong place .  Oh, you’ll also find my thoughts on a variety of topics related to escorting, some FAQ type deals, and maybe a how-to guide every now and again!

3.  Why don’t you link this blog on your site?
While I don’t hide my site on here or vice versa, I don’t find it necessary to directly link the two on my professional site.  My email signature has a link to it, that’s more than enough for me.  And on that note

4. I want to book a visit with you
missy-mariposa.com – by all means

A lot of people have been asking why I started a reference ribbon project when reference are so commonplace in the United States.  Well, first that’s not really true but it’s also not related!  The reason for the reference ribbon campaign starting was twofold.

I was living in Vancouver at the time where screening is a lot less prominent (and for many, non-existent) due to the legality of the profession¹.  As you can imagine it makes the safety issue significantly higher.  Unfortunately some clients are accustomed to have to provide little to no information, and despite the safety issues, are resistent to screening mostly citing privacy. Being from the US, I was accustomed to screening and still wanted to while in Canada.  My screening options there was considered by some on message boards as “ridiculous”².

One of the screening methods I offered that seemed to be a nice middle ground however, was references.  In Vancouver it was more of a “community” with several forums where providers and hobbyists mingled [[While we have that here in the US, I've never seen any as tight knit and laid back]].  The problem with references actually, were a few of the women.  They didn’t want to “share clients”, or they got outright jealous.  I thought that was downright childish, and made that public knowledge.  I wanted the other ladies in our community to know that they never had to afraid to ask me for a reference, even if some providers weren’t so friendly.  I decided maybe some kind of “ribbon” would be the way to go and went to work.  While working on it, the second reason came to light, and is a lot more somber.  Two providers died mysteriously (less than six months apart) and both cases are unsolved³.  This hit home for a lot of hobbyists and providers, as the first was known well by a few.  It was then I uploaded my little one page site and banner, and launched the campaign.

I started to see the ribbon pop up on sites all over, women all over the US and Canada I had never heard of.  I had wanted to expand it and create a listing sooner, but the time just wasn’t there.  I have finally done that – and while it’s nothing fancy at least it’s growing!  I am shocked, pleased, and touched that my little campaign has reached so far and I hope that it continues to grow and help women stay safe.

1. more grey area, less cared about by police – victimless crime, bigger fish to fry, etc al
2. though most were fine with it and I never had any in person complaints – I was actually quite successful there and still have demand that makes me want to go back and that’s another entry!
3. I am not at all saying they were murdered by clients, but the possibility is there and a very sobering thought

http://www.city-girls.com/become-an-escort.html

I stumbled upon this beauty whilst enjoying a morning coffee and for whatever reason, read it in its entirety.  And it moved me, I mean really moved me. But not in a good way.  I will admit to having a few laughs – but only at the absurdity of it.  What it has done has prompted me to write my seven tips re: becoming and escort.  The tips are at the very bottom for those who prefer to skip the snark

Are you prepared to put aside the emotions that come with being with man you really don’t know? You should enjoy these types of activities a lot, but you shouldn’t be considered an addicted person to what you do when you become an escort.

First off, let me thank you for putting “become an escort” in bold every single time you type it.  So basically what you’re saying is “This is not a career for sex addicts”.  Thanks for those sage words!  Let’s continue…

Becoming an escort is nothing like starting college or starting a job at a local fast food chain.

You mean no free meals or a polyester uniform?!  Aww…

Many times you will discover that man might start to fall in love with you because the service you provide is great.

Yes, that’s the first impression of a client you should give to a woman.  Sounds like you’re really laying the groundwork for a smart, career provider (please note the sarcasm).  This is horrible advice!  I have had maybe two clients I’ve suspected of being in love with me (or have outright said it) in 3 years.  I’ve also been clear about the fact I do not date clients (ever) which probably helps.

Of course, large amounts of money is the main benefit of becoming an escort but there is also the fact that it can quickly become a fun job.

They continue to lay out how “fun” it is.  They do not mention the physical downsides (pain/discomfort, frequent yeast infections from condoms/lube, general fatigue) but rather things like

It can be fun to develop friendships with some of your clients.  It can be fun to be pampered by a man who enjoys your company. It can be fun to be able to drink champagne and eat expensive food in the best restaurants. It can be fun to travel to different locations to be with a certain man.

and then go onto even say it’s fun to travel to different locations to be WITH a certain man.  This is building girls up for things that will probably not happen for them.  They describe high end sugar daddies, not clients of mid-priced escorts.  Don’t get me wrong – most of us travel, eat in nice restaurants, and get gifts, but they are treats not the norm (as this article makes it out to be).  Not to mention the “to be with a certain man” line, which seems to me that they’re implying you’ll  have your Pretty Woman scenario¹.  Spare me.  Pretty Woman was a movie and not realistic at all.  Many women DO leave the business and date clients, however those clients are usually regular men not millionaires.  If you want Pretty Woman to be your life, buy the DVD and get a day job.

The fun of becoming an escort should also be as exciting as the money you earn from becoming an escort.

Yes, you should look at your job as one big party and only focus on the money!  That sounds healthy for sure!  Tip 1:  The job is about more than just money.  It gives you an incomparable freedom to work for yourself, explore your sensuality, celebrate your body, and meet people from all walks of life.

The taboo life style is very exciting

Go fuck yourself.  I don’t even have anything else to say about that.

There are shows on cable that show how exciting the life style of being a companion.  These shows show the best side of the life style.

You mean like your article?

Feeling sexy and admired is the best part of any job and when you become an escort it is the main appeal to the career. You are able to use your looks for more than just modeling and you are able to enjoy a higher pay checks based on your looks and your body all the time.  You will feel admired also by woman who don’t look anything like you but wish they did, because you get everything you want and you get paid to have it.

Are you kidding me?  Don’t get me wrong – I get to feel sexy and admired.  AT WORK.  And only at work.  The rest of the time I live in a world where I took the precaution of living an hour away from my incall so I don’t run into a client with his wife at the grocery store.  I don’t get to feel “envied” by other women because I would NEVER tell another woman². 

!!!Personal story alert!!!
I once made the mistake of telling a friend of 10 years about my job.  They had been staying with me at the time, and had fallen on hard times.  They knew where my emergency/legal/bail-a-friend-out-of-jail fund was kept (a locked safe) and they stole every penny.  It was a four figure amount, and while karma did literally come total their life, the loss of the 10 year friend was really the worst part.  Tip 2:  Select who you tell about your job very carefully. The exception is a partner/spouse – tell them 100% of the time.  Never hide something like this from someone you are sleeping with, as it’s their body and they have the right to know who/what they are sleeping with.  They also have the right to not sleep with you and to take away their bodily integrity isn’t right.

Many times your clients are just looking for a woman that can provide a girlfriend like experience. When you find a client who is searching for this, the guy might be willing to pamper you with nice things even before you provide him with your services. Some of the clients you will have, might be lonely and just looking for someone to share a good time with. You are able to provide them with just what they are looking for. I’m sure you have heard of escorts flying to different locations just to be with a long time client they enjoy spending time with. It can be the same thing for you as well.

Yes girls that’s right, all of that unrealistic shit you see in the media is real.  No really, it’s real because we say it is!  Stereotypes galore!

If you are the type of person that dislikes the normal 9 to 5 job then being an escort will be perfect for you.

Translation:  If you are lazy with no dedication then why not put your ass on the market!  Step right up!  In BOLD.  Tip 3: Don’t be surprised at the long hours.  Take them in stride, because even with all of the time you invest you still make more than the average joe.  But don’t forget to pay your taxes.

You get to have no strings attached–This is the main appeal for most woman who start in this industry. If you enjoy hooking up with respectful gentleman, becoming an escort will allow you to do just that and get paid for it. You get to enjoy the act of being intimate without having to become attached to the person or having the person become overly attached to you.

My head just exploded.

It’s true there are higher paid escorts and there are lower paid escorts in the industry. You are able to make both kinds of money.

What?  Just…what?

Either way you will be able to make good money in less time, doing something simple and fun.

Haha simple and fun.  Yes endless hours of sifting through junk emails, reading/answering legit emails, screening clients, advertising, preparing to work (makeup, hair, nails, clothes, etc), working, doing laundry in the sink by hand (as you tend to have a lot of delicates as an escort).  Just for more simple fun I like to add in doing my own site (and managing 2 others) on top of a 1-1.5 hour commute (each way).  Super fun !  Tip 3 addendum:  Seriously, you still make a great living I promise.  All of the blood, sweat, and tears you put into the “non-work” side of escorting pays off.

If you are working for yourself and are an escort discreetly, it is perfectly okay to pretend that you are on a phone call with a friend before you even begin to have your session. The idea is that he sees you on the phone and hears you talking and knows right away the he can’t get away with being hurtful or violent.

NO NO NO!!! IN BOLD.  NO.  You need to have an ACTUAL safecall.  There are PLENTY of places to find safecall.  DM me on twitter if you need help locating a safecall!

You shouldn’t feel that you are cheating or betraying the man you might love simply because you spent unforgettable time with your client. Your job should be fun. Letting your client pleasure you should also be fun. You shouldn’t have to fake it all the time, enjoy it and let go of yourself while you enjoying it.

That’s pretty fucking asinine.  God forbid someone feels a bit guilty and maybe wants to save orgasms for at home. Tip 4:  If you’re in a relationship be open an honest with your partner about your job, how it makes you feel, and how he/she feels about it.  An open line of communication and honesty is integral.  If your partner feels he needs to see other people to be with you, evaluate that carefully and do not rush into a decision.  Likewise if a partner decides they can’t be with you and you have to choose between the job and them.  It is your life and you have to decide if a job (or potential career) is worth possibly throwing away the person you want(ed) to be with for the rest of your life.  YOU MAY DECIDE IT IS, but thinking on it for awhile is never a bad idea!

You might decide you want richer man over those that are poor. Or you might want to work for younger men that don’t have a lot of money. The choice is yours.

O…kay.

Safety is difficult when you are working as an escort on your own. You might not be telling anyone about your job, so your risk of getting hurt is high, since no one will know what you are doing, with who you are and where.

Are they under some kind of assumption that the average agency provides proper security?  Tip 5:  Screen and screen hard.  Get a safecall or driver.  Join Date-Check and P411 (RS2K if it’s prominent in your area).  Familiarise yourself with the sites.  Join providerbuzz.com.  Check your references – I have received FAKE references before.  ALWAYS verify your references are REAL before seeing a client!

Sadly, most escorts who work for themselves don’t screen their dates. This can be a huge issue if the guy doesn’t like how you preform the tasks he tells you to do.

Wonder where they got “most” as I’ve seen plenty of backpage and cityvibe girls who screen.  Those who don’t seem to advertise as “non-pro” and only do this “once in awhile” when “desperate” which is not exactly who this article is supposedly geared towards.

B. The men are screened before they get to you- Instead of having to screen each client yourself ,he is screened by the company. The screening process might be very long, so that the company is sure you are safe with the man your are entertaining.

That’s a load of shit.  There are some GREAT agencies that DO screen well but the average agency?  Yeah, no.  I don’t really see them as a trustworthy source of screening.  I won’t take references from agencies, that’s for sure.

The first thing you need as an escort is to keep your body looking amazing. Having a well-toned body is very important. You want to be in shape or have very little fat on you. It is true there are escorts that are on the heavy side, but most are light in weight. Clients prefer different things, so the most important thing is to make your body be healthy for you.

But I thought this job was simple and fun! And I thought you said that clients just wanted to spend time with me and pamper me!  What do you mean I need to be a supermodel!?  Again, not true.  Ever hear the saying, “There’s someone for everyone”?  It applies to escorting – I can think of several mature women and BBWs that clean house – and that’s just off the top of my head.  Tip 6:  Love and embrace your body, curves, bones, scars – whatever.  Exude sexiness.  Wear clothing and makeup that flatter you.  Always advertise with honesty and integrity.  Never be ashamed!  You will get clients, I assure you.

You want to take pictures that show how amazing your body is and how soft your skin is.

This translates to “fat girl camera angle” and “don’t forget to airbrush” – again, not true.  You need GOOD photos, for sure, but they also need to be REAL.  The person in the photo needs to be the person that arrives at the door.

The sixth thing you need to be an escort is the willingness to try something at least once before giving up on it

They’re subtly telling you to try anal.  Probably because it brings in more money.

The second way you can prevent drama is to never let the money change hands. Instead have your client place the money on a table or somewhere else. You can also prevent any legal drama by considering the money you are paid a donation and not actual payment or a wage you earned for the services you offered.

This will not prevent you from being arrested in a sting.  Period.  Tip 7:  Ask around for an escort friendly lawyer and bail bond company (just in case).  Put aside an emergency fund of at least $1000 with a family member in the event you are mistakenly arrested for legally spending time with someone.

The fifth way to protect your identity and prevent drama is to keep your personal life out of the conversation. There is honestly no reason for the client to know about your family and what is going on in your life. Instead get the conversations simple and ask them to talk about themselves. You can talk about simple generic things like the fact that you are in college but you shouldn’t say what college and when your classes are and how often you go. Being overly open isn’t good for this job.

I don’t disagree with this entirely – but you have to let a little out, otherwise your clients will find you boring.  I found that when I didn’t talk about my life and life experience as much I wasn’t described as “bubbly” or “vibrant” the way I am now.  Injecting a bit of your soul into the job is a necessity.  Be real without being revealing.

So lets sum it up shall we?

Tip 1: The job is about more than just money.  It gives you an incomparable freedom to work for yourself, explore your sensuality, celebrate your body, and meet people from all walks of life.

Tip 2: Select who you tell about your job very carefully. The exception is a partner/spouse – tell them 100% of the time.  Never hide something like this from someone you are sleeping with, as it’s their body and they have the right to know who/what they are sleeping with.  They also have the right to not sleep with you and to take away their bodily integrity isn’t right.

Tip 3: Don’t be surprised at the long hours.  Take them in stride, because even with all of the time you invest you still make more than the average joe.  But don’t forget to pay your taxes.   Tip 3 addendum: Seriously, you still make a great living I promise.  All of the blood, sweat, and tears you put into the “non-work” side of escorting pays off.

Tip 4: If you’re in a relationship be open an honest with your partner about your job, how it makes you feel, and how he/she feels about it.  An open line of communication and honesty is integral.  If your partner feels he needs to see other people to be with you, evaluate that carefully and do not rush into a decision.  Likewise if a partner decides they can’t be with you and you have to choose between the job and them.  It is your life and you have to decide if a job (or potential career) is worth possibly throwing away the person you want(ed) to be with for the rest of your life.  YOU MAY DECIDE IT IS, but thinking on it for awhile is never a bad idea!

Tip 5: Screen and screen hard.  Get a safecall or driver.  Join Date-Check and P411 (RS2K if it’s prominent in your area).  Familiarise yourself with the sites.  Join providerbuzz.com.  Check your references – I have received FAKE references before.  ALWAYS verify your references are REAL before seeing a client!

Tip 6: Love and embrace your body, curves, bones, scars – whatever.  Exude sexiness.  Wear clothing and makeup that flatter you.  Always advertise with honesty and integrity.  Never be ashamed!  You will get clients, I assure you.

Tip 7: Ask around for an escort friendly lawyer and bail bond company (just in case).  Put aside an emergency fund of at least $1000 with a family member in the event you are mistakenly arrested for legally spending time with someone.

1. which you of course need because you’re just a damaged hooker right?
2. Other providers excluded

I’ve been going through a lot of (very good!) life changes lately so scheduling with me is a bit different than it used to be.  I thought I’d write a short blog entry to clear up any confusion/differences that may arise.

I answer all appropriate emails within 24 hours.  That’s the official story anyway.  The real one is this:  I try to answer ALL emails within 2-3 hours tops, but I will make sure to answer you in 24.  If you do not receive a reply in that amount of time, you either said something inappropriate/illegal/tried to haggle/were flat out rude or I did not receive it.  Feel free to resend your original email or even just say “Hey did you get my email yesterday from this same address?”  Please do not just write “Hello?” or anything of the sort – that’s not helpful for either of us and it’s quite rude to boot.

I do not really do phones – I do have a data only cell, but seeing as 99% of y’all can email me from your cell phone (either by sending an MMS to my email address or using email on your phone) I tend to only give the number out for absolutely necessary situations.  I cover why I don’t use the phone for bookings in the “Meeting Melissa Mariposa” post (screened clients and providers may request the password by emailing me).  If this makes you nervous, simply read my reviews.

My Days
There are two typical days for me and while the times vary a bit, I’m hoping this can give some clarification on the best times to contact me.

Schedule A
4am-10am Studio Hours
10am-2pm Nap
2pm-10pm Available for answering email, webcam shows, and visits.

Schedule B
10am-2pm Studio Hours
2pm-10pm Available for answering emails, webcam shows, and visits

All of this being said – I am ALWAYS available during whatever hours you need me to be if you set it up in advance.  You can email me on Monday setting up a noon visit for Tues no problem, but you can’t email me Monday at 8am asking for noon.  I can take same day visits with at least 5-8 hour notice.  This may sound steep but I have a longer than average commute as well.

When I check my email
I check my email before I go into my studio, before my nap, and when I wake up.  I have my email constantly open if I am home, and on my phone and iPad for when I am not.  If your email isn’t pressing, I will wait to email you from home.  This isn’t because your email isn’t important to me but I would rather sit down and type a personal response to you, and sometimes many of your questions are answered by links in my signature (which only appear when I mail you from home).

Hello everyone!  Welcome back.  Comments are off, because I expect responses on twitter these days.  Gone are the days of comments and guestbooks and compartmentalised venues of conversation.  Now (for better or for worse) we have the more public arena of social media to discuss the things we’ve read.  I’m sure I’ll write on the age of narcissism at some point (but not now)

For now, we will talk a little about my goals for the resuscitated and improved version of this blog:

1. Entries on “industry related” topics, social observation/issues
2. Guest entries on a multitude of topics.  It could be industry related, a social observation/social justice issue, a walks of life piece (ask my privately for more details on writing one of these).  Please tweet me if you wish to write an entry and I will DM you.
3. Weekly updates in either something of the above, or something where I just muse about bullshit for awhile.  We’ll see

Looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever written and one of the hardest days of my professional life — possibly my real life too.  The two aren’t so different anyway are they?  One is merely an extension of the other.  Missy and my actual self aren’t the same, but we aren’t so different either.  I have found that people want a genuine experience with a genuine human being who is having a genuinely good time with them.  Someone interactive and involved, someone responsive.  To provide that you have to be honest, and inject large pieces of yourself into the job (did you think I was going to say genuine again?) and be real, no matter what.  That’s an entirely different entry though, isn’t it?  How about this one first?

When I opened the email, it was a day like any other.  Sun shining, hot weather, a name I had seen before about a year or so ago.  A few attempts to set up travel visits past, but schedules that could never match up.  Stars that never align.  Disappointing, but not uncommon.  I travel a lot, I’m busy, they’re busy.  Last email to read before I was going to head out for some exercise and grocery shopping but stopped me dead in my tracks instead.

The email starts out like any other:

Hi there!  I hope you are doing well.  We tried to set a 4 hour appointment some time back for you to visit me in my city, and I was hoping we could agree on a date sometime in September, October or even November.

He goes on to refresh my memory (though my memory is so good I already knew exactly who he was and remembered our previous exchange) and tell me a bit about himself and our (many) common interest.  In fact, this is why I was so disappointed in the first place — him and I had so much in common, I knew we’d have a lasting and ongoing arrangement where we both had an amazing time.  But it never lined up.  Seemed like it was finally about to, so I read on.

I was given six months to live well, about six months ago, but thanks to a new treatment I’ve tried I’m feeling much better!  I only mention this because illness has left me unable to drive, and I would like to have you come to a hotel close to my location if possible.  I really hope we can connect – you seem to be such a fascinating person!

Let’s stop there for a moment and analyse, shall we?  “Hey, I tried to set up an appointment before and couldn’t.  Now I’m dying and would like to but let’s not focus on the dying part, in fact I’ve only mentioned it hoping you could accommodate that I can no longer drive. ”

Holy. Fucking. Shit.  Someone dying has made it something of a goal to meet me before doing so.  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t honoured…because I was.  I felt privileged, touched, unworthy.  To me, this is as big of a choice as when someone wants to lose their virginity.  In my mind, there was no question.  Within 20 minutes I had responded with any available dates I could muster for a six hour each way drive, within three hours we had set something up, and I was in his hotel room in under a week.

But, as usual, I am getting way ahead of myself again.  Let’s go back to those days leading up to this, because they’re important.  I pushed the visit back a day from the original plan, as I wanted to make sure I was truly ready for this.  I am well known and specialise at being someone’s first…but being someone’s last?  This was new territory for me.  I had to prepare.

When we think about providing, the physical strain is obvious — the wear and tear on your body, the secrets and lies, the double life, the risk of rape and death that we all try not to talk about…we know those things all too well, but we don’t talk about the psychological drains very much.  I don’t mean the stereotypically obvious things civvies think of — the number of people, or the “things” we “have” to do…those aren’t necessarily draining — but rather the emotional toll of becoming part of someone’s journey.  I suppose becoming part of someone’s life doesn’t sound too draining, when you put the idea out there simply like that.  But when you become part of someone’s life, even in the smallest way, you become part of them the same way they become part of you and your journey.  We are shaped by the hands we pass through, for better or for worse.

Not to say everyone is a life changing memorable experience, but they are not few and far between either.  Many come through and aside from comfort, their only desire is to be heard.  Their wife doesn’t hear them, their family doesn’t hear them, their friends don’t hear them, a therapist doesn’t care.  So we talk.  We talk and talk until their words fill the walls and start piling up into the corners.  We talk about their parents, their time in high school, college, the wife, the kids, the job, the problems….I have had visitors come and spend their entire session talking, only to have to extend to complete what they initially showed up for.  I would have never believed this was a ‘thing’ if not for Veronica Monet’s book that I read as a green little girl the day after I saw my first visitor.  I have widows who have wept, 30 year old virgins profusely thank me, but never did I think I would add “a dying man” to the list of people who’s lives I’ve touched.

Veronica also wrote briefly about a terminally ill visitor she had in a completely different situation.  I remember thinking that I had no idea what I could or would do if someone ever came to me and said they were dying.  To know that I was the last person they touch, tasted, felt in such a special way.  To know that maybe even as they died a memory of that would flash in their mind.  I always worried it would be too much.  I thought it would be awkward.  Perhaps all this is just me, and my gift/curse of a near flawless photographic memory (right down to dates and times).  I couldn’t tell you.  The only thing I can tell you is this:  I will never forget a single minute of the drive there, the visit, or the drive back.  Written on fire by stone.  Not only have I become part of someone’s life and journey, I am now also a part of their inevitable (and extremely untimely and unfair) death.  Of course death is inevitable for all of us, and everyone we know will die someday…but when you have a ticking clock in front of you, regardless of how well someone is doing, you know it is actual impending doom.  I have a great certainty that when the one year anniversary of the visit and of this entry rolls around, without some huge miracle, the person it’s about will not be here to re-read it.  The anger I feel at that is incalculable.  It boils inside of me, fills my throat, and tightens my chest.  But I’m ahead of myself again.

I wanted to write this whole thing by dictation on the drive back…and some of this admittedly did come from my 927 word text file of dictated notes.  But it is over a week later, and what I really needed was time to process this all and get my thoughts in order.  I find it to be a little hard to write eloquently with dictation.  Everything flows and sounds amazing in my head, and if I write it down that’s basically how it comes out.  But when I go to speak notes?  My mind goes totally blank and I bumble and stumble and fumble with the words and the flow and how I want it to sound.  I think the only way for me to be truly effective with dictation would be something that could simply read and extract the thoughts directly from my mind and put them onto paper.  Right now for instance, I am literally just thinking out loud in my head and typing it.  That’s how I write, I sit down and fire off those beautiful, eloquent (albeit sometimes very long) sentences.  But if I dictate, the thoughts are formed up into neat little sentences, but the mouth just can’t connect to deliver them.  Given how verbose and “well spoken” I am in real life, I have no idea what this hang up or stage fright or loss of flow with dictation could possibly be. I hear creative thoughts in my head nonstop but if I try to dictate them?  Gone.  At least I can write.  I know some people sit down to write and blank out the same way I do when I dictate.  So at least there’s that.  I’d rather be able to write than speak because my mind moves faster than my mouth, but my hands can at least keep up with my mind.  When I learned how to type, I made it a goal to be proficient.  I knew this would be the only way I could ever write fast enough to get all of the thoughts out of my head and onto the page.  Before I had art, I had writing and in the end will always come back to writing.

I suppose I just wish that when I spoke it was as mystifying and enchanting as when I wrote.  I get many compliments for both, but I personally prefer my written communication — though I am a bit “colder” or matter of fact through the written word, and VERY in warm person — the energy I have when I speak is different…exuberant, full of life, outgoing. People are always amazed by my energy and my positivity, despite the numerous “hard knocks” I have taken.  We aren’t given more than we can handle, and if we don’t try to handle what we were given what is the point in rising each day?  I am frequently called an inspiration, but I hate the label.  I think you can be inspired by anything and that everything is inspiring.  If the fact I get up more than I get knock down inspires you, great.  But I just don’t know any other way to live life.

I don’t want to say  too much about the specific details visit itself, but of course it is important to the story…it is the reason for the story isn’t it?  However that time, those magic hours frozen in memory are mine (and his) to cherish.  They were wonderful, they were too brief.  I hope we can have more, but I don’t know that another encounter is in the cards.  The idea that I will soon be the only person to hold that memory, those hours is both a heavy load and a privilege.

I was nervous, the closer I got.  The numbers on the signs got lower and lower and I bit my lip.  I wondered…what he would look like, how sick he would be.  Six months to live six months ago does not sound like the most promising physical shape.  I worried if he would be frail, if he would be bald, if he would “look sick”.  I worried he might be in a wheelchair, though I figure (hoped?) he would mention anything that seriously wrong.  He was up front about his inability to drive, and generally a nice person and straight shooter so mostly I just didn’t know what to expect and my mind raced with every possibility.

I arrived a bit late, mostly because I crossed a time zone line that neither of us had remembered I would be crossing.  Easy way to lose an hour fast.  Whoops.  But I made it.  I was immediately disheartened when he opened the door.  He was young.  Way too young.  Not even grey yet.  Healthy looking and strong.  You’d never know if you passed him on the street, or bumped into him at the store.  We talked, for a long while.  About everything.  Not everything, almost everything. Not dying…not yet.  We talked quite a bit about gaming, which is to be expected. Any time someone has “a lot of common interests” with me, it usually means “nerd shit”.  We nerded out over one franchise in particular.  I had the cold thought that he may not make it to the launch but was able to push it out of my mind until the drive home.

My focus for the visit was to try and have some of the best conversation (as for whatever reason, I am often told I am quite interesting/different/unique/bohemian/artistic/thought provoking/mind blowing…this list could go on for at least a page of the smoke people blow up my ass when the reality is I’m just honest, straight forward, I don’t play games, and I care about people over money) and to give him the best sensual experience I could. I made sure to have everything to make my skin as soft as possible…and ask anyone who has seen me, it truly is “impossibly soft”.  Your skin is your biggest and usually most neglected organ.  For me?  It’s my most cherished.  I made sure I smelled and tasted “heavenly” and “intoxicating”.  I knew that every single minute of this would be recorded in his mind, in such an important way.  My makeup was flawless, done with precision that morning and set with a fixture spray. My hair was on point, using a spray bottle every hour along the drive to keep each tendril in place frizz free.  Every single detail mattered.  Perfection doesn’t exist, in large quantities…but in short doses it absolutely can.  Moments can be perfect, evenings can be perfect, brief encounters can be perfect.  I aim to hit it out of the park each and every time, but of course (as perfection does NOT exist in large quantities) that’s not possible.  I’d like to think I do pretty well given my testimonials and reviews but it’s not my judgement call to make.  All I can do is give everything I have, and then give some more.  If I had to self review I’d put it like this:  Physically, I’d say I was pretty much “all there” and the experience was “flat out awesome”.  The rest of the visit I guess “went well, but could have gone better” with the end being much better than the beginning.  That’s not to call the beginning bad…just difficult.  Not even difficult…rough?  Awkward?  Scary?  Maybe a bit of all of those.

Fifty percent of the people I would consider “close” in my life have already died.  I’m not even 30.  They run the gamut — suicide and heroin are tied for number one, with cancer coming in close behind catching up fast.  Accidents of course too, and elderly relatives — my grandparents were in their late 70s when I was born, so there was never an expectation they would be spending long in my adult life, if any time at all.  We talked about my own experiences with death, starting in childhood with my best friend and ranging right up through last year.  But most important, in my mind, was 2013.  2013 was the year three of my friends began to have issues with brain cancer.  Two came out of remission and one was very surprisingly and suddenly taken within months despite the fact they had ran marathons regularly, and had never even taken a headache pill until they were in their 20s, let alone had any actual illnesses.  Out of the three, one is still with us and doing well.  This person has been called a miracle time and time again and continues to defy every single odd.  The others, not so lucky.  When the pillar of health wastes away in front of your eyes in less than a year, it really wakes you up and forces you to evaluate your own life (which I did, and made many positive changes).  It’s truly the year I would say the “charity deal” began to really matter to me — real charity, outreach work, doing something that matters….not handing money to faceless companies who have CEOs making 250,000+ a year to do what?  Nothing.  We are here for such a short period, but the impact we leave can be long lasting…longer than the life we even lived.  James Dean has been dead 60 years to the day and his image is still known (his estate reports $5 million a year in earnings).  Marilyn Monroe is a similar case.  Paul Walker will be, but as he was a truly altruistic and good human being (I encourage you to read up on the work he did during his life) it is my hope his estate will not simply exploit his name for gain and handing money to the charity of the week, but will continue doing real hands on work much like Paul.  But the thing is, you don’t have to be a celebrity to make a lasting impact (it just makes it easier).  The work you do, and the seeds you plant can grow and blossom into positive change and progress for your community.  It takes one person to get something started, and others to keep it going.  You can be that one person.  And you don’t need notoriety for your work.  The fact that you did the work can just be good enough.

As we spoke more and more, and he became more candid about his illness and the reality I was reminded of the optimism by the early AIDS patients and the medicine trials that they did adding weeks to months was a gift — not small, not insignificant…a gift.  He was calm, soft spoken, resigned.  Maybe resigned isn’t the right word, but rather accepting.  He seemed wistful for a different path, while still at peace with the one he was on.  I mentioned that if it were me I would be angry, unquestionably angry.  He said that he wasn’t angry at all, and looking back I think it was an open door for him to elaborate but I was scared…so I didn’t walk through it.  I don’t know how you could not be angry at the situation, I can’t imagine and almost don’t want to imagine the plethora of the emotions one goes through instead of anger in that situation.  I know I will have to face it some day, but I was too scared for it to be that day.  I wonder if I should have walked through the door.

Time is no man’s friend.  The dying have a different relationship with time and money than the rest. To us, time is money and money is important — the paramount of happiness, to success, to pride.  We show it off with cars, jewelry, designer this and that.  But to them?  To them time = death and that clock is counting down to zero in front of their eyes.  Every minute slept away is time gone.  Fuck money, how do I buy more time?  Anything for more time, any amount of money for any amount of time.  Time is truly the currency that matters the most in life, money just blinds us.  We see “things”, status, wealth, and “comfort” as important…but at what cost do those things truly come?  When you are dying, what will matter more?   The things you did in and especially for this world or the size of your house, the brand of your car? It’s a simple answer really, but our society and culture has practically brainwashed us with “needing” the latest and greatest this and brand brand brand is everything.  Phones are a great example.  How many people who truly can’t afford it spend hundreds of dollars on the latest and greatest phone only to trade it in six months later on the next latest and greatest because they just have to have it.  Why?  What drives this “need” for the “best” of everything, especially expensive phones?  This feature and that feature and this many inches.  Need need need.  And not just phones of course.  It’s all a trap.  Designed to get us to spend more time working to fill their pockets so they have time to enjoy their lives.  In the end, it all comes down to time.  He got it, he’s another one of those “without cellphone” people like me, so he sees it from the perspective I do.  Someone still on the outside watching the world become enveloped with instant gratification, clickbait, the loss of social and typing skills.  Someone who still values real life, real communication, and real experiences.  I’ll talk about the no phone thing in another entry at some point.

The biggest question I have gotten from anyone who knows/knew I was doing this was, “Why is a dying man hiring you”.  Good question, and one I had wondered myself.  I didn’t have the balls to ask until the very end, as I was driving.  The answer was honestly a standard client response.  Wife takes life sustaining medication, her drive ruined, marriage still happy in spite of this.  He simply did not want to die without the experience again — one last time — for which no one could honestly blame him.

Because we don’t know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well.  And yet at the same time everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number in reality.  How many times do you actually have sex each year?  100?  More?  Less?  How many times will you have sex again in your life?  That number is probably frighteningly small when you quantify it in such a manner.  So let’s talk for a moment about memories.  For most people, memories start vivid and fade with only a few precious moments remaining vivid through ones entire life.  How many more times will you be able to tap into a special afternoon of your childhood, an afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you can’t even conceive of your life without the memory?  Perhaps four, maybe five times times?  Six?  Ten?  Perhaps not even that.  This is why I call my memory a blessing and a curse — I can remember the smell of the grass at my grandparents from when I was 3, the smell of the alley between the row homes I lived in at 4, the exact time on the clock when I lost my virginity, how his eyes looked, every single detail…but at the same time, there are moments that you truly do not wish to remember in such a way.  The loss of my best friend during elementary school, a moment I would consider the loss of innocent and childhood.  Can you be innocent after you experience death for the first time?  I was taught young that life was fleeting and that every moment truly had to be cherished.  How many more times will you watch the full moon rise?  20? Maybe 200?  500?  You don’t know, neither do I.  And no matter how much money, power, or status you have it is truly our one commonality.  And yet it all seems limitless until the day comes and that limit is hit.  Ticket comes up and it’s time to cash in your chips.

If you have the ‘privilege’ of dying slowly, versus dying in a tragic sudden way, you are afforded the cursed luxury of being able to prepare your exit and perhaps even do it on your own terms.  At the same time, dying suddenly or in your sleep at least affords the gift of a lack of suffering (in most cases, and to our knowledge) and perhaps a lack of fear and anxiety over the topic (though many spend too much of our time living fretting about dying).  Is there a better, superior way way to die?  I suppose that’s a very personal question with a different answer for each and every single person who reads this.  Some may prefer a quick accident, dying in their sleep…but others may like the time to prepare, and see it as it’s own special unique journey.  Just another phase of life, the ending of a chapter.  They write journals, document everything, heal old wounds, close old doors, and pass peacefully in their own time.

Almost human, but I’ll never be the same

After I dropped him off, I was faced with six hours alone in my truck (which is more like my best friend these days…almost 30k miles since February) to think, reflect, dictate (poorly), and dwell.  I began to think about my own life.  I have lived a lot more than most people for the amount of time I have been alive.  I do not say that arrogantly, or lightly.  I wouldn’t consider my past “damaged”, but rather “interesting” and “colourful”.  Not in a legal/illegal sense or anything that exciting…but just the transpiring of events and everything I have gotten myself into and out of successfully.

Music is incredibly important to my life, and to those memories.  Putting music on loop sometimes for hours at a time, is one of the best things for me to process an event.  I flipped through my satellite radio doing exactly that.  When a song that made me process, and think about the visit would come on I left it on for the hour the radio would allow.

And as I drove by was struck by many more memories than usual though my own life, my houses, the places I’ve been.  I often think while I drive but it’s not very often that I think about the past so much, it’s the future, my plans, the present situations in my life, the things I want to do.  It’s not very often that I dwell in the past, as I find it a useless activity.  The past shapes us and changes us, but it does not define us.  It does not need to haunt us day in and day out sticking it’s head out of closets and shouting “Boo!” just when we thought we were safe.  But here I was, thinking back over my life as I was listening to different music live music from my pre-teen through teenage years.  I didn’t have traditionalist parents so I grew up on Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Goo Goo Dolls, Live, Metallica, everything my classmates weren’t allowed to listen to and paid me $5 per tape to bootleg.  I labelled them innocently.  Mandy Moore, Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys.

Two memories pounded the doors more than any others.  It started when this came on the radio and I was immediately flooded with nostalgia and a peaceful moment I hadn’t thought about in years.  I was in Maryland that year, it was spring.  I was almost a teenager, but not quite.  It was a big stadium festival in DC, no one could believe my parents let me go unattended but I was 13 going on 21.  The weather had held out, despite predictions of rain all day, but it was clouding up.  They had delayed the band playing for a bit, but they were finally on stage and playing as it was seemingly going to stay nice for a little while longer.  Just as the first verse of Jumper starts, the sky opens up and the tears of heaven pour down all of our faces.  Tarps and umbrellas appeared like magic, from nowhere.  Everyone crowded underneath, huddled close.  We were all strangers, but in that moment a family.  We sang in one voice, one body, in this beautiful warm summer storm and despite the depressing nature of that song we were just peacefully melancholy.  It was a good preface before the hypothermia and extreme beating in the pit I took during RATM (worked out to be one of their last shows too…), but that’s another story for another time.

I often wonder what experiences like that youth today will have.  I feel that things like concerts, authentic performances with instruments and vocalists, are going the way of the dinosaur.  What chances will they have to tie together as a group, as a generation?  Instagram is not an experience, neither is twitter, or facebook, or vine, or youtube.  We need experiences, as human beings.  Experiences that put us in touch with the commonality of the human soul are essential to our human experience.  We often have these moments at memorials for the dead as well, but I’m a firm believer that having joyous ones in addition to the mournful ones, are equally important.

As I drove the miles stretched like a rubber band and at a moment the drive felt like it couldn’t get any longer, I was given the gift of this song.  Many may remember it from Twister (it plays on the radio after a chase), which is likely where I heard it the first time as well.  But I truly remember this song for being on the tape for the soundtrack (I had a tape player until 2005, don’t hate) and I listened to it until it wore out.  Literally, broke.  I knew exactly how many seconds to rewind to the beginning.  As a teenager, I looped this song for literal hours of running, driving, and coding.  In fact, the subtitle of this section is a line from that song.  The other one I like is, “Is it pain that makes you real?” because I’ve always been fascinated with how much pain (physical and emotional) affects us as human beings.  For some, pain strengthens the reality of the human experience…for others they can’t take it and seek a release from it in drugs, alcohol, or suicide.  It is a double edged sword that is an inspiration and a pleasure to some, but nothing but disaster from others.  And running from pain is the worst.  You think you can stay one step ahead of it, but the reality is that it’s already one step of you.  Not only that but it fills your bones, and infects your blood until it completely consumes you as a punishment for not dealing with it in the first place.

The flow of traffic was about 80, maybe 85, and I was reminded of a time before the gas price hike.  Before the era of trucks passing trucks on the interstate holding up traffic.  I’ve been driving since I was fourteen years old (shh) and I dated a guy who lived about three hours from me in NYC.  Many late night drives just like this one were had — since I turned 18, I’ve averaged 50-70,000 miles a year anytime I am not living abroad.  Pacing truckers, sandwiching between them at times struggling to keep up in my crimson shitbeater was the story of my life that year.  When gas was cheap, truckers sped more than anyone on the road.  My mom always told me if I wanted to pace myself right for a drive, just follow a trucker.  That was true for a few years, but it stopped as gas prices rose and rose.   Now that they’re low again, I’m seeing a resurgence of this.  I much prefer it to the truck going 66 insisting he needs to pass the truck in front of him going 65 whilst climbing a hill.

I wasn’t sure if I would be able to play the game when it came out if he didn’t make it to launch, which is soon now.  Why should he get to play it and not me?  Any time I know someone ‘better’ than myself is dying I wonder about the fairness of it all.  Why them and not me?  The anger comes back and fills me.  It tightens everything inside of me and I feel my throat close.  I am always angry when someone is dying, or dies.  They say there are seven stages but I pretty much go right from being sad, to angry, to accepting it happened but still always being angry.  I become breathless with it when I think of the person I referred to earlier, the pillar of health who did everything textbook right in his entire life stolen before 30.  High school sweetheart widowed and perfectly timed child left behind.  To say I’m not still infuriated, even two years later, would be an absolute lie.  To say I am not angry each and every time I think about the fact this man is dying so young and so senselessly when he still has so much to give to this world — he is a brilliant man with brilliant ideas.  It is truly a loss for all of us, and to not be angry over that would honestly be a travesty.

I stopped at a Petro for a water bottle and some gas, and when I was coming out of the washroom I noticed a sign.  Live well, enjoy life.  I climbed back into my truck for the last leg of my journey, both physically and emotionally spend from the weight of the day:  A six hour drive, a magic four hours, the weight of nostalgia and the evaluation of my own years on this earth, the pain of an untreated hernia all pressing upon me during the return leg of my six hour drive.  A couple people asked me, well why didn’t you just fly?  I hate flying.  I don’t have to wait in security because I’m awesome, but I still hate flying.  I still do it about 30 times a year, but it comes with its own anxiety and hassle with a plethora of different worries, concerns, and preparations.  If I can reasonably drive, I will.  Besides, it was much cheaper for him to compensate me for my time and milage vs a last minute plane ticket roundtrip for the same day.  I did not want to nickel and dime him, regardless of whether he had 10,000 to his name or 10,000,000.  And instead of having flying anxiety during this trip home, I was able to relax in my vehicle comfortably taking breaks when I wanted to and being able to be alone to process.  I wouldn’t have traded that drive home for anything in the world.  This time to digest, to process was invaluable.

Everything tumbled around in my head, like rocks in a cardboard box and maybe some pieces of broken glass and metal debris.  I knew I had to take away something meaningful from this experience, and do more than just write about it, or stew on it.  I have two very large life projects that I was able to truly think out and get firm plans for.  I have charity projects for the winter that are now planned, and ready to be funded (I’ve added a karma jar to my boudoir, but Amazon gift cards are still BEYOND useful for these!).  I knew this opportunity had to be used to better me as a human being, and further me in life.  To take anything less away from it would be a true insult to him.  For him, I may have been the last.  But the experience with him was an awakening, and only a beginning for me.  Instead of being angry about the loss of such an amazing human soul, I am using the energy to make positive changes in my life, the lives of those around me, and hopefully the world (even in the smallest way).

As I finally pulled on my road, slowly rolling towards my driveway my favourite Rozalla song came on (hey, the 80s had some real gems!) and I understood.  I understood, in that moment, why a dying man chose me to be his last.  The song was a beautiful reminder that I am a person who lives life without fear of judgement, who lives life by their own standards not what other people “expect” or want, who dedicates themselves to nothing but the betterment of themselves and others, who creates and outputs more than they take in any situation possible, and who is always moving forward no matter what and is ready to carry others with them.  If you are not strong enough to make it on your own, I will carry you — no questions, we will make it together.  I was reminded that while I may not be a great person, or a perfect person I am truly free.  I am not consumed by the pursuit for money or things, but rather the human experience and sharing it with you.  And I would not trade that for anything in the world.

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While in the midst of working on a tongue in cheek-ish guide/thought piece on “how to write a review your provider won’t cringe when she reads” the opportunity for this popped up when I got a review that, well.  It sure didn’t make me cringe.  I will eventually link you the review in question, but we’re gonna chat for awhile first…so be patient, kick back, and enjoy the read.

I wanted to write this for three reasons:  1)  I get a lot of new girls to the industry who read and appreciate what I have to say, and I am trying to write as much as I can.  2)  The one sided nature of reviews has always bothered me.  People tend to take the word of someone writing something these days at gospel truth without realising that there are multiple facets to every tale.  But this is unique to our industry, as in every other client/business reviewing situation the business is allowed to reply.  3)  It’s a good topic to have a discussion about.  In getting a review of myself full of half truths and vague details about the situation, I was afforded the opportunity to address something that’s been on my mind for a long time with a real life and personal example.  I feel like a lot of what I’m saying about reviews/the industry needs to be said by someone, and that I’m positive a lot of women feel this way.

When I read a lukewarm or negative review of any provider my first thought as a fellow provider is, “I wonder what actually happened at that session”.  Of course, as most review sites do not allow you to respond to reviews — with PERB being a notable and APPRECIATED exception (or at least it was in the past, and it appears current policy has not shifted) as you could reply to your own review, but not the reviews of other providers.  Normally, you would simply go in there and thank the person for their kind words.  But if an accusation was made, or an untruth was spoken you were allowed to give your side…and this usually went comedically wrong for whichever party was were lying.  But as a provider, this allowed you the opportunity to say, “No, I’m not 20 pounds heavier than my photos like he said, here’s a dated and time stamped selfie from today” and prevent malicious clients or malicious providers with fake accounts from harming your business.  Unfortunately, on places like ECCIE you rely on guys (who then get referred to as white knights) to come in and be like, “Hey I saw her and this isn’t true”.  On TER there is no response and you cross your fingers that the reader views your website, and your other reviews and can discern for themselves that this was a one off and obviously something isolated went wrong.

This whole aspect of reviews, the inability to reply in any situation of “customer dissatisfaction” (so to speak) has always bothered me.  If I give a bad review on to a company on yelp, the business can reply and either dispute what I’ve said…or apologise and offer to make it better in some way.  Why are providers not afforded any similar opportunities on sites like ECCIE that utilise a message board format?  This would be in a similar fashion to PERB’s policy of being allowed to only reply in your own reviews.  The reasons I’ve most typically heard involve “preventing drama”, but considering the extensive infraction policy and sharp moderation team, there’s something else to it I’m just not quite sure what.  But the “standard” in our industry is that we are reviewed and whether or not it’s accurate, that’s too bad.  And if someone had a poor time and concealed this, that’s also too bad we aren’t allowed to publicly say, “Hey.  I’m sorry.  Let me make this right for you” and attempt to rectify the situation.  Instead it’s a strike on our records, permanently.  No second chances.

I suppose part of it comes from the fact our business is less respected…to put it mildly.  Even by the people we see, unfortunately.  I’m sure many of the people who patronise us don’t understand how much of a business it truly is.  I have overhead — incall rent, advertising, skincare, health, beauty, aesthetician costs — that go unconsidered.  I have taxes (as we established a few years ago, I am anti-providers who don’t pay taxes) which I’m sure many probably just think we don’t bother to pay.  What those people also don’t realise is that if you don’t pay a tax and then you try to do something that requires a large down payment (like oh say buy a house) with no job and a ton of cash….it’s going to come back on you.  To live a legitimate life while doing this, you have to legitimise as much of it as possible — especially the money.  You cannot simply make regular large cash deposits on into the bank without paying any taxes and expect it to go unnoticed.  Especially if those numbers get large, and especially if you try to do anything requiring even a glance at your financials.  I, myself, have many big future plans and playing smart now is absolutely essential to the success of those.  I have an already full and busy life that I have to schedule around my job.  I do hours of admin work — checking emails, responding to emails, advertising, working on my website, networking on twitter, writing and tweaking content/ads, and reading.  Lots of reading. I read about psychology, sex, women, men, marriage, video games, politics, techonology, current events…all things I consider industry related.  I also try to stay well versed on a wide variety of topics.  I don’t know everything and I don’t pretend, but I try to know a little about everything.   And I absolutely love all of it because of everything it allows me to do philanthropically.  This is why it chaps my ass when anyone talks shit on it not being a “real job”.  I feel those that are bitter that we don’t slave 9-5 are simply jealous they haven’t figured out the secret on how not to.  A “real job” does not mean giving your entire life away to the job.  There is something for everyone.

The fact that even a portion of our own clientele and 100% of the review sites they use to discuss us do not see us as legitimate businesses is a massive problem in their perception of us.  Not just as providers even, but as human beings.  From the beginning, we are working against a stacked deck.  I can’t count the number stories I’ve read of men writing and degrading women, of men who jerk women around, of men who NCNS, of men who don’t respect women’s time.  The good visitors abhor the men like this, for souring the women of the industry.  I don’t blame them.  This is not to say every provider is a quality provider and good businesswoman.  But you should always walk into the situation assuming the best — that she is legitimate, clean, safe, fun — until proven otherwise.  Do you think these men treat their doctors, lawyers, and other hourly professionals this way?  I absolutely doubt it.  But see, that’s the problem.  These men? They don’t view us as professionals, or even people worth respecting their time.  We’re simply baseball cards to them.  Pretty pictures, stats, numbers, performance.  Meant to be looked at, traded, discussed.  I don’t object to objectification, but I do take issue with pure commodification of humanity itself.

So, I won’t lie.  When I read the review myself my initial reaction to the first half was literally to laugh and shake my head.  Why?  First, because it was almost ridiculous (given that I knew exactly who it was and how it actually went down with details), and in my opinion the review itself sounded bitter and almost nasty.  This person was curt and cool but not nasty — so it was crazy to me to imagine them sitting at home firing off these two paragraphs whilst still giving me a positive numeric score.

I have an open 100% satisfaction policy and always have — if you are ever not satisfied with how the visit is going, or something I am doing, or I could be doing something better/different let me know and I will do what I can.  I *never* want anyone to leave feeling less than 100% happy.  We all work hard for our money, and I never want someone to feel like they’ve lost something they worked hard for because of me.  I have put in many “overtimes” to ensure that my visitors leave happy, with no complaints.  That being said, if it’s clearly not working extra time isn’t going to make a connection that isn’t there happen magically.  If something is truly just “not there”, I am always happy to give back money based on time spent and call the session quits.  I never want someone to leave unhappy, period.  This person didn’t take advantage of any of that or even attempt.  Instead they tried to repeatedly force a square peg into a round hole and then become frustrated when it didn’t work and they had to leave (due to their own obligations, I don’t believe I personally mentioned the time).

Second, the score of the review itself wasn’t bad and the statement is made that he had a nice time.  This to me implies that he had a nice time.  If you read the rest of the review and then saw the score, you’d be scratching your head.  Hell, I saw the score first and was still scratching my head.  If I read a review like this, I would have expected the looks score to be 6, and the session itself to be 5, maybe 6.  Maybe.  But no.  Higher.  To me,  score of 7 or above says you had at least a, well, nice time.  And maybe he did, but I guess…this isn’t how I’d speak about someone I had a nice time with.

So before we get to the review (which we are going to do, I promise!) I figure we’ll talk about the circumstances leading up to it first — they’re pretty relevant, and you’ll understand immediately when you read the review why I’ve included them.  I had a very late night arrival scheduled for into town, so I had warned him in advance I would not be sending any location info until the middle of the night.  I arrive into town to “confirmation I’m still interested in a visit” from this client (great!) and then another email asking about the location and if I was coming to town.  I respond, reminding him about my late night arrival and apologising, giving him the details he needed.  I then sent another email asking if he could please make sure not to show up early, as due to my late night arrival I was literally going to sleep until I needed to get ready to see him and needed all the time I could get.  Also, if he could even come later let me know.

You can imagine my surprise to wake up to no response to either of my emails confirming he had gotten the location details.  Even if he couldn’t adjust the time, I had still expected to hear…something.  I’ve never once sent a visitor the location details only to hear nothing back and then have them show up.  So, I write this email an hour before our visit:

In reality, I was checking in every 10 minutes but as I was in the pool, I did not want to tether myself to a strict time frame just in case I lost track.  Radio silence.  Happens.  Wires get crossed, and perhaps after he forgot I was getting in late night he just made other plans and went about his day because he thought I wasn’t interested.  Like I said, happens.  I had no plans to hold it against him or ask for my cancellation fee and was ready to go about my day.  After an hour of checking in regularly I decided to get breakfast, and so I took advantage of that half hour deal and came back to this.

What?  Um…okay (literal response).  Sure.  No problem.  I write back that these things happen and tell him I could see him later in the day, we set a new time (after him laying partial blame on me for not realising that he was still coming on time) and all was well.  I got a little behind on getting ready because I got back to my room to non working air conditioner and no hot water to shower in, so when he arrived I asked him if he could sit down while I finished putting on eyeshadow (5 minutes, give or take).  We had our session and my “review” would be that the beginning went well, but that his eyes were bigger than his stomach, so to speak.  Sometimes people want more than they can get…and I would say he got overzealous with what he wanted and was unable to achieve it.  It was neither my fault nor his, though if we had “clicked” better perhaps it would have went better.  Who knows?  I feel the performance part of his review is fine, I take absolutely no issue with that.

Now that you know what leads up to the review — because I really feel it adds something to it — let’s go ahead and read the review itself.

Saw pictures of Missy and although her face was blurred, I thought I would take the risk and see how much fun I could have.

Okay, let’s stop here for one second.  I understand the word “risk” being used when the person doesn’t have 75+ reviews, but am I really that much of a gamble?   I haven’t seen a single review mention my looks in a way that is not complimentary — and I’m not saying that to be arrogant…after all, I didn’t write the reviews.

However, because she has no phone and cannot text or call; she cancelled our appointment because I didn’t confirm my confirmation.

No, I cancelled your appointment because you I sent three emails that received no response.  I would have cancelled your appointment if I had sent three unanswered texts, or if I had called three times and you didn’t pick up.  My communication medium, in this instance, is irrelevant because my attempts at communication went unanswered.  It’s not as if he was unaware my only way to reach him was email and so he didn’t check it.  It was checked and he “didn’t think I needed to reply”.  There’s a difference.

I was eventually able to reschedule after a couple of hours

You were re-scheduled within 45 minutes of letting me know you were even interested, according to email timestamps.

but disappointed that I had to jump through so many hoops to set this up when a simple text could have avoided all this.

A)  You could have responded to one of the three emails I sent
B)  If you dislike using email so much, perhaps you should only book with those who do use phones?
C)  “Hoops”?  I have a confirmation and cancellation policy which I link in my email signature and encourage reading.  If you don’t follow them and I still allow you to reschedule an hour later, are you really jumping through hoops?  Or am I accommodating someone who disregarded a clearly posted policy?

We talked for a few and like the her website and other reviews have said, she will talk the whole time if you don’t get her to focus on reason you are there

Considering a man in the end of his life hired me to be part of that experience, and I just hosted a full evening dinner for someone else…I would say that this man is perhaps the one who is not quite clear on the reason most gentlemen come to see me.  I am a total package deal that provides a full mind and body experience.  If you aren’t interested in the experiences that coms along with the fun, then you aren’t going to have near as much fun with me because you were never open minded enough to let yourself have this kind of an experience in the first place.  What I provide goes so much further than just pop, here’s your hat, bye.  Even if you’re only there for an hour, I do everything I can to blow your mind.

So many people focus on the physical, and only that.  They short change themselves greatly.  That is half the experience of sensual release.  The mental aspect enhances the physical in ways you can only imagine, until you experience it.  As I wrote when I discussed the end of life experience, many come to me and talk as much or even more than I do.  You may scoff in disbelief as you read that.  Why bother, you may think?  Because from a release of the emotional comes a stronger release within the physical.  I’m not saying meet someone and share your life story and have a good cry, that’s ridiculous (for a first session — I’ve certainly had people cry about their spouses before).  I’m saying you meet someone, and bond over some mutual interests and experiences, if only for fifteen minutes to warm them up to you as a human being.  You’ll notice their interest in you whilst BCD skyrocket.  Why?  Because when we like a person, we have better relations with them.  If you don’t know anything about someone, how can you like them or enjoy your time with them?  Or express any kind of enjoyment of your time with them that isn’t clearly faked.  Men want a genuine experience, and that’s easy to provide…when you’re warmed up ;).  See, while you have a chance to look at the lady, read her words, see her photos, read her reviews, see her social media and get to know her personality she has little to nothing of you, except for what you share directly to her.  She does not get to read of your past sessions, your quirks, your skill sets.  While we can work with very little (and do it masterfully), it’s hard to work with absolutely nothing and unfortunately most of us aren’t machines who can go from, “Hey my name is Jim” to “GOD THIS IS THE BEST I’VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE” in 5 minutes flat…though I’m sure everyone involved wishes it was that easy and earthshaking sessions were simply pulled out of thin air, like magic.  But they’re not.  They’re carefully created for you, by us as providers, in the hopes to give you a brief escape from your day and what you’ve come to us seeking.

Sadly, it’s not always a hit  — I personally can’t do the nameless, faceless, soulless exchange and so if that’s your idea of “fun” and why you came to me….you’re just going to have an okay time, like this person did.  There are heaps of women who specialise in this and are wonderful at it, and I fully encourage you to see them.  I prefer a personalised experience, uniquely tailored based off of the things I learn about you in our early time together.  There is a much deeper psychology to all of this than I think many realise, and it goes further than being “good” at just one specific activity.  I am often told, “There’s just something about you”.  And really, it’s not how good I am, or how flexible I am, how nice my body is, or even my “sparking”, “unique”, “outstanding” personality. It’s the totality of that, and then some.  Whether you see me for one hour, four hours, or a full day I want it to be a lifelong memorable and mindblowing experience.  When you look back at the great encounters with women you have in your life, I want to be damn near the top of that list.  While that can’t be the case with everyone, I can still strive for it.  My entire life is spent striving ahead, after all.

So what happens when it’s something worse than an accusation against your professional standards?  What happens when a guy says you’re too heavy to use those photos, or even something worse?  That you have an odour, that he saw sores.  That you told him you were pregnant.  What about an entirely fake review?  How do you protect yourself?  The short answer is you can’t.  You can only be pro-active and build a solid reputation and set a steady standard of giving amazing service and always being on your A game.  You have to rely on the rest of your website, twitter, personality, photos, and however else you’ve put yourself out there to shine through any and all bullshit.  You can do what I do, and keep email for an undisclosed period after each visit.  There’s no other way to get TER or ECCIE to remove false information unless you have your own proof.  I used to delete emails the day a visit was completed successfully for privacy reasons…but after getting a few fake reviews from potential clients who fell through trying to get extra TER VIP time, I started to keep them.  They’re strict about these things too.  I once got a fake review during a surgical recovery period and they asked for proof of the procedure.  There’s generally a time period people write a review in.  Once that’s passed, I delete everything from my server.  Considering my email isn’t hosted, but rather a private server, it’s still safer than 90% of the other providers you email.  But thanks to people constantly fake reviewing, we have to be able to protect ourselves.

So remember this the next time you read what you consider a lukewarm review and ask yourself, “What happened at that session or in their communication?” because when you only get one side, you get less than half the picture in most cases.  In this instance, the two paragraphs provided by the reviewer paint an unclear and awful picture of my professionalism.  If that was all you had to go on, you’d have what I consider a very abstract version of a relatively complex situation.  And really this is applicable to all walks of life, not just reading reviews.  Until you have every side of every story, you really have no clue what’s going on at all.

Let’s discuss this on twitter!

I wanted to do something a little different with this one.  While I do not release photos, my boudoirs are always known as a thing of wonder and testimonials to that have been given, so I’m not jerking my own dick here (I promise). I set out to offer the comforts and amenities of a luxury spa, but with a more personal touch.  From aromatherapy, to a mobile charging station (complete with four charger types to match your brand of choice), a literal carousel of toiletries, cold pressed juice, infused water…and we’re only talking about the space, not the person behind it.  Oh the luxuries that await you inside!  You may be asking why bother?   I’m actually going to start with why and end with how.  So stay awhile, and listen…and then discuss on twitter when all is said and done!

From the moment you enter her place, you are inundated.  The scent is rose with a hint of lavender, soft music is playing throughout the entire space.  The lighting is low, but not dark.  You begin to notice the candles on every surface.  You see the reflections of colour dancing in the soft light, and look closer to realise the walls are covered by pieces of art.  You set your keys on the counter, plug your phone into the mobile dock, and enjoy the glass of ice cold water left for you.

“Hello!”  You hear a voice call from the other room.  “I’m just finishing up lighting candles.  Go ahead and sit down and I’ll be right there”.

You wander through the space, eyes combing the surfaces.  Erotic poetry written with magnets on the fridge, more candles, warm light.  You take a seat on the plush surface, sink into the pillows, and let your eyes wander the unique coffee table.  The blown glass vase with dried flowers from her own garden to the books of her own work (soon there will be handmade coasters, she just hasn’t had the time yet) to handmade jewellery from Africa.  Just as you are about to reach for one of the books, you see her come into the room (“Damn…next time”, you tell yourself).

“Thanks for the patience.  Sometimes the damn things just don’t want to light,”  She smiles.  She’s tastefully dressed for the occasion, her voice light and fun.  She takes a seat next to you.

“Do you need more water?  I also have sparkling, or infused.  I have some juice too, and some fresh fruit and nuts.  I figure we can share those a little later, to re-engerise you before sending you back into that awful world outside…”

But outside is the last place on your mind in that moment.

When I sent this to someone to read before I posted it, they replied to this section with, “God DAMN that’s how you greet a person”.  Well…I fucking sure do try.  With some variation (I am not ALWAYS behind on lighting candles you know!), that is generally how you actually meet me.  You enter, and get an impression of the space and are allowed to become comfortable in your surroundings first.  Once you have gotten your bearings, have put your things down, I will greet you.  I feel that when you are in a new space with a new person, you can only process one at a time.  I would prefer you to get a full first impression of me, and prefer not to fight with my space for attention.  So I allow you to process the scents, sights, and sounds first before stepping into your view and introducing myself, because I am an entirely different experience and something worth taking in separate.  I don’t say that to be arrogant, I say it because I am blessed/cursed with a high level of self awareness. I am a lot to take in.  I am high energy, I am fast paced, go-getting, high energy while at the same time being the most laid back “Type A” you’ll ever meet.  I am a walking contradiction and I absolutely love it.

I offer full evening packages where I cook for my visitors, and this is one of my favourite things to do.  As such, also one of my more popular offerings — when I am having the most fun, I find my visitors have the most fun and who doesn’t love hanging out from early evening until late night (the visits are clockfree…they start when you get there and end when the evening naturally and mutually wraps up), preparing an amazing meal (or watching me do so), and enjoying it with music and wine?  For these occasions, I’ve made sure to have coordinated dishes, serving trays with carved inlays.  It’s not about having a high dollar value, it’s about the visual appeal. Little luxuries make people feel the most important.  When you have coordinated dishes, or coordinated towels, or all of the linens in the bedroom match?  The attention to detail is noticed, if only subconsciously. The fact someone cared enough to coordinate these things for them matters…a lot more than is immediately evident.

The most common thing I hear from people who visit my space is, “I am so comfortable here.”  I am a really easy to get along with person by nature, and someone who is easy to be comfortable with due to my “don’t give a fuck” and “judgement is ridiculous” attitudes but at the same time I really think being in such a space helps put one at ease.  There’s no question to me it’s easier to get to know someone in a comfortable space that reflects the personality of the person, smells wonderful, and is private versus a restaurant or a hotel.  In my space, people feel comfortable to stare up at the candlelight dancing on the ceiling and say the things they’ve wanted to say but never found the person to say it to, without consequence.  People stare at my ceiling and tell me that they’re afraid of death, old age, their wife leaving them, you name it.  People have fears of everything.  But it’s not just fears. People lay there and tell me of their time on the road, stories of their grandparents farms, their childhoods, times abroad, times in university.  They tell me of their struggles, their hardships, overcoming, rebuilding.  They tell me their dreams for the future, dreams for their children.  The release you can have after emotionally unloading is a mindblowing experience that many are totally unaware of.  They tell me there’s something different about me, but it’s not JUST me…it’s that I’ve helped them unlock something inside of themselves, and touch a place they had never even knew existed.

There is another room we spend time in, which many forget about until I remind them.  “This room has it all, I hadn’t even considered there was more.”

You follow her into the other room, where you see what is only describable as a sea of candles and soft lights.  There are sounds of water, a relaxation fountain.  A lightly scented mist pours of out a diffuser whilst displaying a light show.  There are multiple mirrors, no clock digits staring you in the face from anywhere in the room.  The music drifts in as you close your eyes and truly relax.  You are offered a sweet citrus hot towel, lavender massage oil, and you feel yourself begin to melt.

In a hotel, this is trimmed down to the music, candles, oil, and aromatherapy.  Hot towels, when I can.  I am often on the road for long periods of time, so unfortunately there’s the necessity of needing to also travel light.  Regardless, I do still fetch compliments on my mobile boudoir…but I can’t lie, hotel life disappoints me in comparison to my boudoir.  I wish I could give my visitors more.  Presidential suites and jacuzzi tubs would be a start.  But that’s not a reality in most locations for a multitude of reasons.

“Would you like to take a shower before you head out?”  She leads you to the washroom where you see a spinning carousel with a variety of toiletries and an assortment of mouthwash.  “I want you to go home smelling like yourself.  There’s a towel warming in the dryer for when you’re done and I’ll bring it as soon as the shower stops.  And I still have those snacks I mentioned earlier, if you’re famished”.  She winks as you start the shower.

In my personal opinion, this is my *minimum* level of service for myself.  Why?  Well, it’s simple when you think about it.  When someone is truly able to relax, and truly feels at ease with another person they have an experience that transcends even their wildest fantasies.  When you can get someone relaxed enough, in a short period of time, that they can truly let go and be themselves around you?  It makes every single thing you do with them just that much better.  A comfortable environment can help turn a stranger to a friend in minutes.  When someone can show up and immediately feel spoiled, pampered, and cared for they tend to have less walls.  When I greet them with a light hug, a kiss on the cheek and the boundaries melt completely as their nose is filled with my scent.  It intoxicates them, and we go from “strangers” to “friends” in an instant.  My sole purpose is to treat them like kings, and leave them with a lasting and memorable experience.  And you know what?  From that moment on, they’re hooked.  Hell, maybe my initials are M.M. because I’m like an M&M.  You can’t just have one…and you sure as hell can’t just have me just once.

So let’s talk about how now that why is abundantly clear.

I will say up front, this can all be done without spending tons of money.  Kmart sells single flat sheets as opposed to sets, Amazon has a whole line of home coordinates called “Amazon Basics”, and always check the clearance at Bed Bath and Beyond!  After you check BB&B, go check Walmart as they sell most of their dishes and kitchen stuff there cheaper.  Goodwill has lots of funky lamp shades, scarves, and decorative touches for just a few dollars.

Coordinated bedding/linens/throw pillows:  This makes someone feel like they are in a person’s room, as opposed to a hotel.  Being allowed to lay on a sheet is almost a privilege apparently.  Always provide a fresh sheet for each visitor.  Choose colours (and accents) based off of your personality and mood you wish to set.

Ambient lighting:  No one wants to be in either “bright light” or “dark”.  Strive to find something comfortable in between.  Both lighting and colour can greatly affect mood.  Choose things based on the mood you not only want to provide, but the mood you want YOU as the provider feels greatly shapes the experience for your visitor.

Wall hangings:  Give people something to look at besides empty spaces and white walls!  Art, photography, photos of you…doesn’t matter.  Pick things that match your personality and taste.  More than anything, this space should reflect the aspects of yourself you wish to put on display.  Are you elegant?  Creative?  Quirky?  All three?  Show them!  Most of all, our visitors come to indulge in US.

Aural pleasure:  A good sound system with mood music is essential to any setup.  A good bluetooth speaker is a small investment.

Offer amenities:  I wasn’t joking when I said I had every phone charger, or three kinds of water and cold press juiced.  You you don’t have to go that far, but remember this:  People like to be spoiled! And they never expect it, so it’s always a mood elevator as soon as they walk in the door.  Lots of amenities cost you pennies to offer:  Infused water is a great example.  Buy a lime, a cucumber, slice them up and drop them in a pitcher of filtered water.  Tada!  Multiple types of mouthwash for different tastes?  Just a few dollars a month.  But they send across the message, “You’re worth it to me” at each and every turn.  Because they are.  Your visitors should know that you feel privileged to have them in your space.

No clock:  Figure out another way to keep track of time.  A music playlist or something that runs on a timer are great methods.  The visitor does not need to have red digits staring them in the face, or a phone alarm going off to let them know to get out.  There’s nothing welcoming or comforting about that.  Even in a hotel, you can make sure to unplug it or at least put it where the visitor doesn’t have to see it.

I guess what it all comes down to is this:  Treat your visitors the way you want them to treat you, and you’ll never be sorry.  Rewarding would be an understatement for providing people with such joy as an ultimate relaxation session.

Ever since the Expose a Bro scandal (google is your friend) several years ago I have had finishing this on my mind.  “Alexa” worked with many real providers to propose a code of ethics for the industry.  This never got finished, and this was never really published outside of an initial draft that was well received. The idea of a code of ethics isn’t really groundbreaking as most industries have them.  So why not us?  I am *happily* taking the feedback of other providers for future revisions of this piece, please respond on twitter with your suggestions, feedback, and ideas.

Courtesan Code of Ethics – Version I

Preamble

Providing time is an occupation that is greatly misunderstood and generally looked down upon by society.  This, despite a long historical record of courtesans being among the most cherished and valued people in past civilizations.  One who undertakes becoming a courtesan as a primary profession or as an adjunct to another profession realises that s/he exposes the most personal of space to the client in exchange for financial or practical remuneration.   This close interaction requires a very high level of trust be established between the courtesan and the client, and it is critical that the client understand that s/he knows that s/he is dealing with someone who adheres to a strong code of ethics.

The courtesan should strive to accomplish these major goals:

• Provide valuable, beneficial, safe, and enjoyable service to the client.
• Ensure personal boundaries and health of either party are not compromised, that you maintain your dignity and integrity, and that you don’t compromise your own personal ethos.
• Reflect positively upon the profession as a whole.

Voluntary subscription to a code of ethics has historically been one way to demonstrate the commitment to excellence in any profession.  Being a courtesan is a profession in which one should always be striving towards excellence, so a code of ethics is the next logical step towards that goal.

This code of ethics is predicated upon the following assumption of rights:

• I reserve the right to screen clients to my personal satisfaction and standards and always personally determine who I will see and who I will not see, and under what conditions.
• I reserve the right to set my own boundaries, and to have my clients to respect them at all times. I reserve the right to end a session without refund if a client does not respect my boundaries.
• I reserve the right to refuse to see a client if the client refuses to accept my personal boundaries or engages in behaviour I deem unsafe, threatening, or illegal.
• I reserve the right to determine how I use my personal attributes to make a living, and to be respected for the decisions that I make.
• I reserve the right to serve only the clientele I am comfortable serving without judgement from clients or other providers.
• I reserve the right to be treated as a human being, with full agency and all other rights due me, including the right to petition for redress under all relevant civil and criminal laws of my country.  I have every expectation that law enforcement agencies and the judicial system will treat me with the same dignity and respect they afford all other complainants.

Code of Ethics

General Conduct

• I will enter and practice this profession of my own free will, under duress from no other party, while understanding the true nature of the work I’ll be doing.
• I will exhibit a sincere commitment to providing a quality experience for the client. If the client is not having a good experience, I will work towards resolving that situation in any way I can to the satisfaction of the client without compromising my personal ethos, health, or safety in the process.
• I will respect my clients as human beings and not treat them as anything less than how I expect to be treated.
• I will respect my client’s physical, emotional, professional, ethical, and spiritual boundaries.
• I will maintain and improve professional knowledge and competence, striving for excellence through regular assessment of personal and professional strengths and weaknesses and through continued education and training.

Business Practices

• I will not use bait and switch tactics to lure clients under false assumptions or pretenses.  I will not advertise as an unrealistic age for my visual appearance.  If my photos do not accurately represent me, I will not use them.
• I will respect my client’s confidentiality, and not, under any circumstances, divulge the names or other identifying features of my clients.
• My email practices are secure and the content of our emails will always be professional in nature.
• I will not defraud or cheat a client in any way.
• I will advertise myself honestly and not misrepresent what I am prepared to do or the skills that I have.
• I will plainly state my expectations on my web site(s) and not engage in unfair attempts to upcharge or upsell clients.  The price listed on the website is the price the client can expect to pay.
• I will not submit false information about clients to blacklists and similar reporting venues.
• I will recognise that there is a wide variance in acceptable behaviour and identity, strive to accept those variations in my clients, and accommodate those variances when they do not conflict with my own personal ethos or skill levels.

Safety and Health

• I will use appropriate safe practices at all time.
• I will not practice my trade if I am sick or ill without disclosing my illness(es) to my client before any personal contact.
• I will not entertain clients if I am physically or emotionally impaired to the point where I cannot ensure my safety, the safety of my client, and meet my client’s expectations.
• I will not entertain clients if I am unable to provide a top tier experience.
• I will not entertain clients who engage in illegal activities, nor will I engage in illegal activities with clients.

Respect for the Profession

• I will not advocate or condone anything non-consensual/involuntary or anything involving minors, and will report the existence of such behaviour to appropriate authorities immediately should I discover it.
• I will not take advantage of or manipulate clients or other providers in any way for personal gain.
• I will not sell my reference or provide any kind of references for clients I did not actually see.
• I do not judge other women for who they choose to see or not see.
• I do not judge other women for how they spend their money, or what gifts they receive.
• I do not judge how other women run their business.
• If asked, I will provide honest, legitimate advice and information to those who inquire about working in this profession.
• I strive to be a true lady, and will conduct myself as such at all times.
• I am honest, sincere, professional, and value discretion above all else.

Let me preface this up front by saying all feelings, opinions, and views are about me and my life only — I do not judge any other provider for what they do or do not offer or how they feel about services or specific types of clients. These views are my own, for me, about my job, about my life. Not you or yours. You do what is right for you, and you own it.

The title pretty much sums up the content of the post, but I am asked almost daily — and usually not in the most positive way — why or “how” I could “give up” being “my own boss” and “independent” for the “terrible environment” of a brothel. There is almost always judgement and a completely negative attitude. I’ve had people laugh at the decision and outright mock it.

First off, if that’s you then you can fuck right off. It’s incredibly ironic to support me for being a sex worker as long as I’m doing it in a way you prefer vs what makes me happy. Second, I’m more my own boss than ever. I also have twice as much time, which has allowed me to finish several personal projects that were only crawling along. I have time to relax and pursue my interests instead of just working around the clock.

But let’s get to what this is really about. Why. Why did I go from a successful nationwide independent escorting business to building my brand inside of these walls?

Safety should not be a privilege at work

• I have been set up by another provider (in good standing) giving a good “reference” for a client (who screend fine) and was robbed at knife point in 2010.
• I have been assaulted by someone who showed up on drugs.
• A P411 client with 26 okays attempted to rape me.

I am at fucking WORK. In what world should anyone at a JOB have to deal with any of the above? I walked out of my house each day knowing that directly because of my job I may die that day. While this is not the only job you can die doing, it’s the only one I know of (besides police/firefighter/soldier) where the most common cause of death on the job is murder and instead of respect/recognition for that, there’s a plethora of “dead hooker jokes” which people don’t realise is actually hate speech (and roll their eyes at the concept when you present it).

Here, I can scream and multiple people will come running. I can press a panic button and security is there in an instant. I am much more confident I will walk out of my job alive at the end of each day here.

And speaking of safety…

You may offer safer services, without charging less, having to explain yourself, facing negative reviews, or clients who act like babies about it.

On “the outside”, as it’s called here, “safe GFE” (which is a bullshit term — your girlfriend should be just as safe with you as a provider for at least the first year of a relationship) is usually sold at a lower rate, or considered less desirable. You can do it and still make a decent living, but there’s no question you will make more offering dangerous services like BBBJ and uncovered DATY. To a lesser extent, kissing — as many people love to choke you with their tongue or drool all over you, a flashback to your high school days I’m sure. Appropriate kissing can be lovely and nice, but I do not want to feel like we are at the prom. It’s not passionate, it’s saliva.

I’ll be 100% honest. I offered these services for most of my independent career, and they grossed me the fuck out. At least 50% of the reason I came to the brothel was to be able to protect my health and safety without neutering my income and earning a slew of bad reviews in the process. We are legally required to be safe, this is known up front, and it leads to a hell of a lot less complaining and insensitivity (god forbid you care about the risk of throat cancer from BBBJ, let alone gonorrhea) from your clientele. It’s like they actually respect you as a human being or something. And man, they still get off. Even with the condom! Imagine that 🙄

“Screening” does not ensure you will get someone STD free or safe. It only ensures you’ll probably get someone who won’t murder you. Many STDs exist in us silently. Women can carry gonorrhea in their throats, pass it along, and never know they have it until a guy tells them. Chlamydia is also one that goes undetected. To put it simply: To me, for ME, that’s fucking disgusting. Let’s be real. We are meeting with actual strangers. Strangers with potentially questionable habits, and who aren’t just with you. In what world do we really believe it’s safe to exchange genital fluids? We pretend it’s safe. It’s not — it’s an acceptable level of risk, but it’s not as safe as we tout it. So we tell ourselves it’s a low risk and so no big deal. But it is a big deal. Herpes is forever, and can be spread when there’s no outbreak. That’s a career ender. But do the clients care? No. You’re faceless and meaningless to most of them outside of the time they contract you for — which would be fine if they weren’t putting your career at risk with their “preferences”. I had a client get rough with me and tear my asshole. Did he give a damn about the lost income or the $800 in steroid medication I needed? No. Did he offer to help pay for it? Yes. Then he disappeared. I can’t even imagine if I had gotten an STD that ended my entire career instead of causing me to take a few weeks off.

Legality should not be a privilege at work

We all know there is nothing wrong with escorting, porn, prostitution, or any of it. However, our gorgeous legal system does not agree in 49 of our 50 states and our clientele stays silent when it comes time to talk about rights/decrim/legalisation for what they think is their own discretion. Apparently being pro-sex worker means you use one or people will find out you will? While that’s not true, their paranoia and silence damns us in many ways.

I think that while clients are aware of the fact the legality is an issue — since they also have to protect themselves from arrest — they really don’t appreciate what it means for our lives. Their legal concerns are significantly less, after all. They only have legal concerns on the days they have appointments whereas an escort has them every day of her life.

We live a life where it is difficult for many to declare all of their money with a plausible explanation. This is a job where you can go from 0-100 pretty quick. But let’s pretend you make 125,000 your first year when the year before you worked at a grocery store and made 25,000. Do you think you can immediately claim all of your taxes as a brand new small business and not at least have some eyes on you? Probably not. So you gradually scale it up over 2-3 years. So for 2-3 years you’re lying to the IRS, an agency no one wants to ever have to face.

In addition to that, if you want to buy a house or make any large ticket purchases that first year or two? Much more difficult. If you buy a new car outright in cash or put the down payment for a house down in cash, it’s suspicious.

Worse still is that many women who want to take credit cards are pushed into having to take them through “dummy companies” due to the insanely high processing fees from “adult” credit card processors. Heads up guys, having a Breaking Bad style “car wash” to run your earnings through is money laundering. If you have a “consulting” business, it’s still grey area and good luck if you get caught. Have a good lawyer on call, at all times, once you break six figures in this industry. Because whether it’s being arrested for a ‘misunderstanding’ at work or a ‘misunderstanding’ over a tax/money issue, you could very well need one.

Does this happen to the majority of providers? No. Do you have to live your life like it’s going to be you because it literally could be? Yes. They love to make examples out of us. It’s worth noting that solicitation is typically a misdemeanor but tax evasion is a federal felony, not to mention additional charges for money laundering.

Again I ask, in what world should I have to go to a completely legitimate job and fear arrest and prosecution? Unlike drug dealing, or any other “black market” profession, this one has the potential to hurt no one — provided the provider is voluntarily providing, of course. But as we all know, sex work and sex trafficking are not even remotely close to the same thing, and there is no such thing as “child prostitution” only sex trafficking. Prostitution is a voluntary activity, otherwise it’s trafficking. So it is completely fair to say that prostitution is a victimless crime until you involve the black market and invite in pimps and violence (in the form of men who prey on you because they know you cannot go to the police). It is almost impossible for an escort in the US to ever be completely legitimate and not at risk of arrest and prosecution. It can be extremely difficult to live a completely legitimate life as an escort.

The house cut really isn’t that bad when you add it all up

This was honestly a big factor for me in choosing to do this. I was touring full time when I retired. When I say full time, I mean I was not home at all between April and November. Each month I spent $800 on my mortgage for a house I wasn’t living in, $1100 for an incall while waiting for the lease to run out (was more expensive to buy out the lease), $2000 on an assistant, $1500-$3000 on ads (eros, slixa, p411, tob), $3000-$5000 on hotels, $1000-1500/month on food (I eat healthily and was unable to buy in any kind of actual quantity, you get literally bent over buying single serve), not to mention flight tickets or gas to drive to these cities which was a varying range based on where I went. We haven’t even factored in clothes, lingerie, condoms, lube, makeup (which I only wear for work), a wireless hotspot, or getting tested biweekly. This was easily another $500-1000/month between everything. It could easily break $10,000 to do business touring full time, depending on what cities I hit. Hitting places like LA, SF, NY, Chicago, Seattle, and DC in the same month could even drive the hotel cost well above my estimate — and I spent an entire month in New York last year.

Any way you slice it, that’s a lot of overhead. Even without the useless incall. Even assuming this was only 30% of my income. I would just personally much rather pay 50% to one establishment that helps me further my career than a bunch of websites to whom I am just another anonymous customer and get nothing for it. Worse yet, in the case of hotels I have to go out of my way to be discreet/go unnoticed all while I am paying 90-250 dollars a night for the privilege.

In addition to that, I had to plan out (or pay for someone to plan out) my tour schedule, and book all of my flights and hotels while getting the best deals for the best properties possible. I had to write and set up ads with EROS, Slixa, P411, TER, ECCIE, Avenue-X, BestGFE, TOB, BP and TRB (when they were around). Many of those ads required weekly reposting or bumping. Also the TER Daily Photo thread was a must in addition to my social media accounts. This was a pretty big time investment, and by the end I was paying my assistant more money to post them for me. I also had to invest time in sourcing healthy meals in each city, clinics to be tested in, and places to re-stock on supplies.

Let’s compare that to the brothel: I show up, I pay under $50/day for rent (plus there are several incentives to earn free days of rent), they do my advertising which I supplement with my social media practices, and the clients come to me. The doctor is on site, we have a staff of cooks as well as fridges and freezers for personal food, I cook and bring vacuum sealed meals is still less than what I was spending eating out twice a day in different cities. My round trip flight is around $100. Also, the rate is…significantly higher. I can’t say the specific rate due to state law, but our adventures start in the four figure range and to put it mildly, the idea of a 500 dollar hour is laughable — even after the house cut.

I have always joked that my job comes with 8 free weeks of vacation – December and January. Until now. The month of January made more money with less overhead in 3 weeks (total) than I normally do in the entire 8 weeks. I am making equally good money this month. Which brings me to the next point…

The money is the same or better for less time invested and will only grow as I build my brand here

The least amount of money I’ve taken home is equal to what I typically make in a week of escorting after expenses. And that was with not being on the website, not being on the bar crawl (a screen that rotates through all available ladies), and being brand new with no clients here, no appointments, no brand, and almost no one knowing my name. It will only pick up as I build a brand, and as more people see me on the website. It was also with about 1/3 of the time invested, max. There is no more “admin work” as mentioned above, and the email volume has gone down by 3/4. Twitter is my only obligation that requires a chunk of time, and I can do that while I’m at work waiting on foot traffic. The time invested with clients can also be significantly less, in part because of the rate being higher.

The amount of time I have saved in admin work has allowed me to finish almost every personal project in my real life and focus on school. And I personally love the idea of the lockdown house. I have a parlour, a bar, a kitchen I can prepare food in, my own room, and rooms of my friends versus being sequestered to my hotel room only quietly slipping out to pick up food, though usually I just used UberEats and got delivery because my day started at 8am and ended at 10-11pm. I feel less imprisoned here than I ever did touring.

I like the negotiation system over a flat rate for my time. Negotiating is better than a flat rate because not everyone is there for the same thing.

Why should someone who wants GFE for an hour be charged the same as someone who just wants a blowjob? They are not the same service, the same emotional or time investment. In escorting, you charge a flat hourly and for some people you are way overcharging them for what they want/get and others you wish you could charge more. In a brothel you are actually charging for what happens on an individual level.

I had a regular of mine say the negotiation part would ruin it for him. It’s clear he’s never been present for a negotiation — especially my negotiations — which are not “businesslike” at all. They’re to the point, and clear, but also sexual and playful. I have a decorative menu complete with naughty photos and several pleasure packages. Second, to me that’s almost saddening that the idea of a custom price is considered “too businesslike”. I think this cloak and dagger shit of “I’m not paying for a service, I want to pretend there’s no monetary exchange” is ridiculous. It can lead to clients feeling they’re your actual friends and feeling entitled to huge chunks of your time for nothing. It also invalidates your job as an actual job, and again leads to the idea of them seeing you as a “friend” rather than someone they have a friendly but still professional relationship with. This is not to say you cannot be close to your clientele on a personal level, or even intimate with them — I fully believe you should be, and that’s the nature of the job…but there’s a very fine line. Them thinking they can spend hours of your (free) time DMing, or engaging with you for free crosses that line.

To me, being able to customise the price and session actually makes it MORE personal and less businesslike because we are designing a session and price tailored to your unique needs, rather than a generic number that is only charged because it’s considered “fair market value” for the exchange of time.

You still command a good hourly with experience rather than less for being “old”

In escorting, as a woman’s age goes up her rate typically goes down. While there are some notable exceptions, they are exactly that — exceptions. That doesn’t have to be the case in the brothel. The rate can stay the same as you age, and women in their 40s and 50s can do quite well without having to offer more/riskier services, or lowering their hourly below what makes them comfortable. This is also true for BBWs, and women of colour. No matter what your size, shape, or colour is you have the potential to make exceptional money with steady work for your entire career if you brand yourself well, provide good service, and put in the effort. Compare this to escorting where you hit your peak rate, stay there as long as you can, and slowly taper it down with age. Dennis Hof says his women earn more with age, rather than less.

The clientele is more polite, and less nitpicky and asinine about small flaws/imperfection (unlike the TER/ECCIE culture)

Read brothel girl reviews vs escort reviews for some good examples of this. Guys on TER and ECCIE nitpick about the smallest things — I remember the most notable one for me being “a quarter sized patch of stubble on the upper pubis that ruined my entire session”. I could never imagine something so petty being an issue here. As I just said women of all shapes, sizes, and colours can do well. As long as your hygiene is good, your grooming is good, you wear flattering clothes, and have a good personality clients accept that you’re a human being who might have a little 5 o’clock pussy shadow if they’re seeing you at 10pm and you shaved at 8am. Men don’t complain about barely there scars, or a tiny bit of cellulite whereas on TER even a smidge of either would equal a monster with a garbage bag of cottage cheese instead of an ass. One wine glass in the sink = OMG SHES SO HIGH VOLUME AND DIRTY. And let’s not even start on the fact you can’t earn a 10/10 unless you do services TER considers fun and worthwhile.

I feel almost as if the people coming and paying for sex with no illusions are more polite than the people pussyfooting around with the concept of buying time. The attitude of entitlement in clientele is significantly less here, and you can actually end an appointment when a client crosses the line rather than trying to figure out “how to get out of it” safely. Also without the fear of a libelous review afterward for leaving early when he was the one violating boundaries. The amount of disparaging words from brothel clients — excluding hobbyists, who are few and far between and have their own special name — is significantly lower, and the amount of respect higher. The locker room mindset of board culture is not a “thing” here. And I can’t tell you how amazing that is.

Camaraderie

The stereotype that escorts do not have female friends definitely applied to me. There’s a book I read once, before becoming a provider, and there’s an independent provider in it. She’s portrayed extremely accurately (to the point where the author MUST know someone who provides) and one of the things she says upon meeting the protagonist was, “Stop by again. I don’t know many women, I would like to know you.” I didn’t understand at the time, but it can definitely happen.

When I became an escort, I noticed the amount of female friends in my life (already a small number) dwindle to basically zero. Any new friends I made were guys. I’ve already related better to and understood men on a different level, and being an escort only sharpened that.

But here? You live with up to 24 other women who you work and eat with. Some you have sex with (two girl parties!). You don’t HAVE to get along, or try to forge friendships…but it’s in your best interests for many reasons (some business, some personal) to try and do so. You also have to understand you’re not going to be everyone’s BFF overnight, and you can’t expect everyone to love you. The women are just guarded — and rightfully so — because many new women come and go. Or some come and try to start drama. We’re not about that at the house I work at. And so as long as you maintain the balance of friendly but not too friendly and follow the rules, people will warm up to you. Each trip I take, I make more friends. And even on that first trip, where only 3 or 4 people spoke to me? I had the time of my life with those people. Quality matters more than quantity with friendships.

There is just something very amazing about the fact if I have a shitty session, I can find someone who not only will listen but truly understands and relates. It’s nice to be able to sit around and freely talk about work with people who not only don’t judge, but understand exactly what you’re on about. Being alone is an actual choice, rather than a side effect of the job.

The external love and acceptance is overwhelming

I am open with many people about what I do — namely friends and consequence free strangers (uber drivers, hair stylists, waxers, etc). I was a lot more cautious about this as an escort, because of the legality aspect. I felt like I had more to hide. Now that I work a legal job with a license? You bet anytime a stranger asks me what I do I’m honest. And you know what? I have gotten the most positive reactions EVER. People tell me how cool that is and how cool it is I’m open about it. Then they usually have tons of questions and then want to hear about the facility, the schedule, what it’s like. With escorting the usual response was usually “Isn’t that dangerous?” or “Isn’t that illegal?” Tentative questions that they didn’t really want the answers to, rather than excited and enthusiastic ones that lead to long conversations and being told how awesome I am. Having a job that people show legitimate positivity towards? That’s amazing. Whenever I go shopping for work clothes/accessories, I straight up tell them I’m buying these things to wear in a brothel. Actually, ever since I started telling clerks why I was buying the clothes, I’ve been matched up with some really bomb ass outfits and accessories. The clerks get enthusiastic and love helping me find clothes as they ask questions. When I told my pedicurist, she upgraded my service (for free) so she could keep talking and ask more questions.

While I realise we are not totally accepted in society, I will definitely say I feel more accepted and the job is way more okay with people when you’re doing it legally. Hypocritical? Absolutely. Do I love it? You bet. Liberating is a good word for how it feels to have a 100% legal profession I can tell people about freely.

It’s not for everyone.

You have to be tough to work in a brothel. It’s a 24/7 life — you could be pulled out of bed anytime for a small party, and sometimes they’ll even walk. I personally prefer the round the clock life of the brothel, though it does making having any kind of schedule/routine much more difficult. You spend a lot of time being “on the clock” (ready, dressed) but not working. Some days you may not work. You may not work for two days and then book a huge party on day 3. It can be panic inducing for some. A good business mind and confidence are absolutely essential. I had never negotiated anything other than vehicle and home purchases, but having the basic skills were helpful. Reading has been helpful. Listening has been helpful.

You have to be able to sell yourself in person, rather than online. How pretty your website is, what words you write on it? They mean very little compared to how you are in person when they have 24 other women to choose from if you don’t shine when the time comes. Having a social media presence and internet presence definitely gets customers in the door, but when it comes to foot traffic you have to be on your social game more than anything. That’s not to say you can’t be introverted or won’t get internet based prebookings/appointments, but you’ve also got to be able to put yourself aside enough to try and get a client back to your bedroom, rather than just playing the email or phone game until they’re already a sure thing.

You have to have a thick skin. If you can’t be a “yes man” and live within a specific set of rules, it may not be for you. If you can’t be a team player, it’s not for you. If the idea of being on lockdown is something you can’t get past, it’s not for you. If the idea of being social to sell yourself, and networking with other providers is something you aren’t interested in, it’s probably not for you. But I’ll say this — I bought into the stigma of it being “worse” than escorting for years (housecut, lockdown, drama, etc).

And boy was I ever wrong.

This is mainly geared towards independent guys who have experience with escorts but want to try out the brothel world.  This is part one of a two part series, where I will also be writing a guide for guys who have never hobbied at all who wish to try out the brothel experience and will update this with the link to that when it is posted.  

First, forget everything you’ve ever seen on TV about a brothel because I’m going to give you the straight dope and they probably won’t line up.  Follow this guide and always leave a happy man.

You’ve made the decision to try a brothel, but how do you know which one?  Let’s start there.  First, ask yourself a few things:  1)  Do you already have a certain lady in mind?  2)  Does who owns it and house reputation matter?  3)  What area of Nevada are you looking to travel to?  

Taking those factors into account, you can then look at the list of brothels in the state and choose accordingly.  While I won’t go through your options (there are many websites that will help you with that already which Uncle Google will lead you to), I will, of course, plug the house I work out of, Sheri’s.  For the purpose of simplicity in this article, let’s pretend you’re coming here.

1.  Do your research.  Much like independents, you will need to do some reading (although not as much, since if we work at a house we’re already verified as legitimate providers).  First, read the house website and see if there are any rules you should know about and get the general 411 on the environment you’ve selected.  Read the yelp and google reviews.  There are some “hobby boards” but they’re worse than TER so they’re not even getting a mention, let alone a link.  What I will link is a well written Newbie’s Guide for Sheri’s, but I think a lot of the tips/tricks apply at most houses.  

After you know a little about the house, check out what providers will be there during your date range and read the profiles of any who strike your interest.  Pay attention to her offered services.  Narrow it down accordingly.  If she has her own website or social media, check it out too.  She’s not on twitter for her health, it’s for you.  She has invested time laying out a clear picture of her offerings so you can decide whether or not she’s a solid investment of your time and money before you meet.  Show her mutual respect by giving it some of your attention.  It is then you reach out via email to book an appointment.  Be polite in that email, just as you would an independent.  Confirm she is available on the date you desire, and suggest a few times you can make.  This gives her the wiggle room, should she already be booked.  While brothel work is typically more low volume than escorting, it seems there are “popular times” to book.

2. DON’T 👏 ASK 👏 HER 👏 RATES 👏 IN 👏 AN 👏 EMAIL👏

We are not allowed to tell you, period.  Whether it’s state law, federal law, or just rules of the house is completely irrelevant.  A woman who tells you rates or ballparks rates is risking her job to do so.  Why put someone in that position?  Simply don’t ask.  We aren’t allowed to tell you, we aren’t supposed to ball park.

“But how will I be prepared?”   You ask.  “I don’t know what it costs!”

Great question young padawan… 

3.  Come with as much as you can realistically and comfortably spend.  Simply put, bring the max budget you’re okay spending with the idea in mind you may or may not spend it all.  You are going somewhere you have no idea the price and it is way better to be more prepared than not enough.  Nothing REQUIRES you to spend all of your money, so why not be prepared with more than enough rather than risk too little?  You are spending the time to come a good distance outside of town, so why risk making it a wash because you didn’t have enough on you (even though you would have been happy to spend that amount)?  You do not have to be a millionaire to have a great experience at a brothel, no matter what bullshit rumours you’ve heard.  What you might not be remembering is that brothels are allowed to be more a la carte so if you don’t have enough for what you had in mind and are willing to compromise (i.e. dropping the blowjob you only kind of wanted, 45 minutes instead of an hour, one activity instead of five…I could list workable compromises all day) you can still find a great time with the lady of your choice.  

We take cash and all major credit cards (billed discreetly) at Sheri’s but its best to check the website of the brothel you plan on attending first.

People often get spooked by the word “negotiation” but there’s no reason to.  I had one indie regular tell me that if he had to negotiate, it would ruin the experience for him.  I think people are picturing a fucking auction house, or haggling, or something crude along those lines.  It’s so disappointing people hear a word and immediately their mind shuts when it’s really the exact opposite of their vision.  My negotiations usually involve light banter and touching, sharing a drink, looking at my Pleasure Menu laden with sexy photos, and we don’t “negotiate” anything.  We custom build a package for you that works in your budget and you only pay for the things you want to take advantage of.  I can usually lay out several options for you, and we can always find something that works for both of us.  To me, this is great!  You get the most VFM when able to drop things you’re not interested in.  And extending is more common and more of a reality than with an independent which means you don’t have to commit to a multi-hour hoping she didn’t hire someone to write her website.

4.  ALWAYS 👏 HAVE 👏 YOUR 👏 ID 👏 

I don’t care if you’re 29 or 99.  We take anyone over 21, but we card you to verify it.  We are a bar, and that’s that.  Also, if you plan to use CC we are going to need to see it before we can run your card.  We are extremely serious about making sure thieves and frauds do not walk through our doors and send your hard earned money so compliance and understanding is appreciated.

5.  Take a shower first and be prepared to shower again during the party. If she offers, don’t say no (no matter how clean you are).  If she doesn’t offer, ask.  It only yields you better service which is a higher ROI.  

On the VERY IMPORTANT SUBJECT OF SHOWERING (NOTICE HOW THIS IS ALL BOLD GUYS):

 
So while I’ve got you here, I realise every provider says “wash your balls” and “shower better” but few actually give you any real guidance.  Also, you may think you’re clean when you show up to party but a lot of guys who think that either have stank balls or poobreath.  About half that shower at the party are still in the same state as when they got in.  To improve your session, no matter how clean you think or know you are, just give yourself a thorough scrub down and good once over of the oral section to ensure great service.  Gross breath is solvable during a session in 2 ways:  Mints, mouthwash.  So we don’t need to spend a lot of time on that.  What we do need to spend a lot of time on is:

Missy’s Step-by-step De-stankify Your Meat and Potatoes ™

Step 1:   Get in a hot shower and get every inch of your body wet.  This means spread your legs and get the inside of your ass crack wet.  Lift up your balls and get your taint wet.  EVERY 👏 INCH.

Step 2:  Lather hands/loofah/washcloth with soap and wash your arms, neck, chest, legs, and back.  Rinse well.

Step 3:  Re-lather hands (or loofah/washcloth) and play with your penis as if you are masturbating and on the edge of an orgasm you’ve put off three times, but go slower and also make sure to get the folds of your thighs and pubic mound.  Whether you are average weight, heavy, or obese, push down your pubic fat pad and really get the soap and water in there.  Grip yourself firmly and slide your hand all the way from the bottom to the top until your penis is a soapy dragon.  Take some of that gorgeous lather you’ve just made being an awesome dragon and wash your balls. Front and back.  Definitely the part you can’t see.  When you think you’ve done that LIFT UP YOUR BALLS AND MAKE IT REALLY SOAPY UNDERNEATH.  RINSE VERY VERY WELL.

Step 4:  REPEAT STEP 3 

In the wise words of Redd Foxx, one of my biggest idols:

But never fear!  I have a guide for everything, right? Without further ado: 

Missy’s Step-by-step Guide on how to WASH YO ASS™

Step 1:  Lather your hand with soap.
Step 2:  Spread your ass cheeks apart.
Step 3:  Insert soapy hand into ass crevice and vigorously rub.  Get all the way down to your taint and all the way up to your back.  Lots of soap.
Step 4:  Rinse extremely well.
Step 5:  Repeat Steps 2-4 three times.
Step 6:  Wash your cock-and-balls as described above AND repeat steps 1-4 of this guide.
Step 7:  Rinse everything VERY well as soap residue is just as bad as being dirty and dry your cock-and-balls with a different section of the towel than you use to dry your ass.

So while this sounds like a lot when it’s all written out, in reality it took you longer to read it and visualise it than it would to actually do it.  So wash your fucking ass!

6.  Be respectful of her time.  What you negotiated in the party is it.  You should not expect her to come sit in the bar with you, or lounge by the pool, or eat lunch unless you negotiated this into your party or this was pre-arranged in some other fashion.  She may need a nap, or to work out, or a meal.  You have no idea if she has school, other appointments, or a phone call to make.  Unless she is being compensated for her time, don’t expect any of it other than what you get during the party.  If you want time outside of the party, ask before you leave her room what it would cost to do the activity you’re looking for.  As long as you do not act entitled and expect something for nothing, it’s likely a happy medium can be reached.

This also applies to email.  A brief email to follow up a great visit is wonderful.  A short story asking 50 questions and requiring a real time investment is not unless you compensate her for it in some fashion.  An amazon wishlist gift or purchasing a gift card is appropriate in these situations, just like with an independent.

Follow these simple steps and have an awesome time!  Got feedback?  Come discuss it on twitter @ingodwetryst